The Oprah Effect

Oprah has the Midas touch…some people just have a way with mufflers. Everything Oprah touches turns to gold. Most people (including me) don’t have the same effect…our touch turns things to PEW…ter.

If Oprah endorses your book…you’re an instant Best Seller at the top of the New York Times List. If she endorses your movie…it’s a guarantee must-see movie. If she deems you the next best singer…You’re “it.” If she endorses your brand of cereal…everyone stops eating Lucky Charms (even when they are magically delicious) and buys your brand.

It’s amazing how many people are riding her coat tails. I think that’s why she had to gain back her weight. It’s a wonder she’s able to even move with so many standing on them. We’ve got Dr. Phil, Dr.Oz, Bob Greene, Nate Berkus, a philosophical guru, sex doctor, dog whisperer. (Not to be confused with the dog sex doctor.) If these people would get off her coat tails…and rode someone else's gravy train…she might be skinny Oprah again.

These people were just regular folks doing their jobs until Oprah made them famous. Oh, and let’s not forget to mention Gayle King…she’s famous because she’s Oprah’s BFF. That stands for Best Friends Forever…and not Bi Female Friend. Don’t believe the rumors.

I’m sure you’ve heard of or seen “Oprah’s Favorite Things” show. I have a hard time watching it. I’m not sure if I hate the materialism of all that “stuff” she gives away…or I am just jealous. Okay, definitely the latter.

I wonder how she picks the people to have in the audience on her Favorite Things Show. Do they have to try-out? I know I would be perfect for the show. I could get all dressed-up and jump up and down like a crazy lady…especially if she was gonna give me a car. Bring on the Hondas.

But better than getting free stuff…I prefer the touch from Oprah’s golden wand. It lasts much longer than a Honda. If I could make Oprah’s Favorite Things List, I could go from PEWter to golden.

Seeing Gayle has the Best Friend thing all sewed up…maybe I could be her favorite blogger. Yes! Or maybe I could be her favorite doormat….anything!