Happy Ho Ho Ho Halloween

Halloween promises to be scarier than usual...

instead of being eerily dark and scary...

it will be eerily white and even scarier.

This Halloween...feels more like Christmas...

but without the presents, christmas carols, and fruitcake doorstop.

Apparently Mother Nature wanted to play a part in the holiday so she pulled a trick...

dumping major SNOW...

knocking out power, blocking roads, and cancelling flights...

but left NO treat. 

I don't know whether to laugh, cry, hoot, or howl.

I'm getting too old for this weather especially before Halloween. 

Heck, even the jack-o-laterns look like they have aged with a little snow on their roofs.

Anywhooooooooo........

The foot of snow and downed power lines bestowed on us by Mother Nature will certainly make it

tricky for trick-or-treaters.

But kids don't mind...

they are like the Post Office...

"Neither snow, nor rain, nor gloom of night" 

will keep the the little devils from showing up at your house for their sugar habit.

I'm wondering if we'll see any Santa or reindeer trick-or-treaters tonight. 

In keeping with the winter theme...

I'm thinking of passing out hand warmers, snow shovels, and last  year's fruitcake. 

Trick or Treat?

I don't know about you...but I've had it with Ms. Mother Nature.

Hey, let's say we get together with our own little treat...

let's toilet paper and egg her house tonight.

I'll bring the T.P.

 

Happy Ho Ho Ho Halloween.

The Power of the Anywho

One thing I like about writing a blog...

Other than the constant adoration from fans.

Is the process.  

The process of writing.

  When I beginning writing...

I don’t always know where it will take me...

where I will end up. 

That’s the fun part. 

I begin on topic and then frequently have a change of direction...off topic.

I like to think that I find my way back around....

a full circle - 360 degrees,

but most times I find myself at  180 degrees...

a straight bee line to who-in-god-knows-where.

Hence the Anywho........

The Anywho is my blog enabler. 

I begin on one topic and when I feel a change of direction coming...

because I ,

got nothing more to say...

the anywhooooo......

let’s me move into another direction.  

It brings my blog from a line of B.S. to a full circle work of literary art.

But there are times I don’t know when to stop writing...

and I end up with multiple revolutions.

360, 720, 1180

Boy, am I getting dizzy.

Anywhooooo..................

I once knew a man from Nantucket,

who said Kat I can’t believe how you chuck it.

Your blog starts from here

And goes to nowhere

You’ve been doing this four years,

who would have thunk it.

Ahhhh the power of the Anywhoooooo...

it allows me to sneak in a Nantucket Limmerick

 that was screaming to get katOUT.

Laptop Spill

What’s faster than a speeding bullet?

This Kat...

after spilling coffee on my laptop keyboard.

WTH?

The mere thought of ruining my laptop after I paid Mr. Staples to debug it ...

really bugged me.

I knew I had to act fast...to save it.

So I sprung, sprang, springed into action…………

I ran into the kitchen,

pulled off 400 sheets of the quicker picker-upper…

and sprinted back to my ailing laptop.

I could feel my heart racing and adrenaline flowing through my veins.

All the while…

I kept praying my poor laptop would make it through this ordeal.

The thought of losing software and hardware left me nowhere…

we had been so personal through the years. 

“Pleeease laptop, Please stay with me.

Paleeeseeee.

Hang in there....I’m here for you.”

I worked quickly applying paper towel compresses…

holding it tight to the keyboard crevices to help minimize seepage.

Then I realized…it needed additional technical attention....

But what?

Quick, Kat...blow on it...get a fan.

Anywhooo........

I worked feverishly to save my laptop...

And I waited for a response...

any response.

I carefully and methodically tested each key.

"Please dear laptop ...Please respond.

Let me know you're okay?

Give me a sign.

Any sign."

Then it happened…
the cursor appeared and began blinking at me.
One blink...followed by another. 

Blink.

Blink.

Blink.

Evidently my laptop had crossed over to the other side for a few seconds...

but crossed back to me.

Apparently,

this wasn’t the time for my laptop to go.

(blink.blink.blink.)

What's Up, Doc?

Halloween is only a week away, so

BEWARE….

You never know what freak will be on the prowl to Trick you for a Treat.

Phillip Winikoff, 81, was accused of doing just that.

Winikoff posed as a doctor…

making door-to-door "house calls" in a Fort Lauderdale apartment complex.

He conned his way into 2 women’s homes and performed fake breast exams…

(the exams were fake, silly…

not the breasts. )

The jig was up for the doctor...

(What's up, Doc?)

…when during the exam…

his hands wandered off track.

B.U.S.T.E.D.

Winikoff was charged with three counts of sexual battery,

two counts of practicing medicine without a license,

two counts of simple battery,

and one count of using the title of doctor without a license.

The women…were each charged with 

one count of Stupidity.

Hopefully they passed their breast exams,

because they certainly FLUNKED the common sense exam.

Winikoff received a plea deal in lieu of a possible 55 years in jail.

I wonder what line of bull the creep used during his rounds…

Knock, Knock….

"Hello, I’m the breast examiner.

I’m here to feel you up...

no, I mean cop a feel…

no, I mean examine your breasts."

WTH?

By the time the first woman called the cops, the “Doctor” was already onto Patient #2.

(Hey, when you’re a doc…

you never want to fall behind in your appointment schedule.)

Anywhoooo………………

Winikoff was probably allowed into their apartments because he was carrying the

little black doctor’s bag...

(found at Walmart complete with stethoscope in the Toy Dept.)

Obviously, it was the doctor’s bag that made him look official.

I remember the last time I saw a doctor carrying a black bag…

it was Doc Adams on 'Gunsmoke'…

Apparently, nothing says …

"Come on in…

I’ll take my shirt off…

and you can touch my breasts"…

better than a black doctor’s bag.

The End

This could be it....

the end of katOUT

(no applause, please.)

Some time today...

My blinking blog cursor could come to a screeching halt.

Wait, Kat...did you get a job and become a productive member of society?

(Nawww...nothing that dramatic.)

Apparently Today is...

THE END OF THE WORLD

In case ya haven’t heard...

Today is Doomsday...

per Harold Camping, a 90 year old Family Radio evangelist.

 

I’m so bummed the end of the world comes on a Friday.

I was so looking forward to the weekend.

Ya think it could have waited until Monday.

No one likes Mondays.

Anywhooooo............

Camping also wrongly predicted that last May 21st

would be the “end of the world,”

but apparently that was just a fire drill...a false alarm.

(They do say it’s always important to practice the end of the world...

before you get hit with the real one.)

So what did Harold Camping have to say on May 22nd...

after he woke up, scratched his balls...

and saw everything was the same as the day before?

His words were “flabbergasted.”

I would say he was...full of "flabber"...and "gas."

Unfortunately for his gullable 'followers'...after they woke up and scratched

their heads...

they wondered why they listened to a crackpot Evangeloser...
and sold all their worldy possessions. 

WTH?

So if my blogging curser is still blinking on Monday...

you will have more days of this Kat (to put up with)...

But only until December 21, 2012.

That is when the Mayans are predicting THE END OF THE WORLD.

Until then...Let's party like it's 1999!

Car Wash Yea

What’s as much fun as a ride at Disney?

Loved by young and old?
BIG excitment for $6.99?

The Car Wash.

(A wax job will cost ya extra.)

Don’t cha love taking your car through an automatic car wash?

For an admission price of < 10 bucks…

your car is showered and shampooed...

while you go along for a 3 minute joyride.

(Geez Kat, doesn’t take much to entertain you.)

Back in the day...whenever I took my car through the car wash...

I had to make sure the kids were with me.

Otherwise, I felt guilty experiencing sudsy fun without them.

(Okay, I confess. I may have snuck in a couple of trips while they were in school,

but I tried not to enjoy myself...too much.)

As we rode through the tunnel...

the anticipation of each stage of the cleaning...was part of our fun......

"Watch out...here comes the Hurricane...

Now the Hula girls....aloha oh

Ahhh...love the gentle rain

Here comes the giant hair dryer............."

BUT

Not everyone is agreeable to the car wash experience.

There are those who don’t want anyone touching their car, but themselves.

(Wait, I wrote that right...didn’t I?)

They wouldn’t think of entering an automatic car wash and risk a ding.

They love their cars so much they aren't even afraid to show a little PDA...

as they rub them,

and carress them.

There is no way they will let anyone put a hand on their prized possesion...

especially any dingaling...

or local fundraising high school kid.

Their car is an extension of themselves....

No one...gets privy to their baby...

or lays a hand on their private property .

With one exception....

the bikini wash.

Anywhooooo........................

Unlike rides at Disney...

With the automatic car wash...

you don't have to grow old in a long line,

hear "It's a Small World" a million times,

or pay through the nose.....

to have a good time.

The Kardashian Fascination

Somebody tell me.....

What the hell is the fascination with the Kardashians?

I don’t get it? What am I missing?

Who are these people?

What are their talents?

Where did they come from?

Why do we need to know about them?

(Somebody slap me silly...not too hard...

I may have just exceeded the question maximum.)

Admittedly this Kat is normally dogging it in the slow lane...

but I finally figured out the Kardashian fascination.

When I saw the trio of Kardashian sisters as guests on “The View”...

it hit me why the Kardashians grab attention wherever they go.

Obvi....it has to do with the Kardasian curves..

K-curves...and K-cups.

Figuratively and literally speaking, from what I saw...

Kim Kardashian's K-cups were on View...front and center.

She gives full and ample meaning to "K-cups."

I can see Kim promoting a new K line.....

"Now at K-mart...the K-cup...

designed to shape, support, separate...and salivate."

Anywhooo.....................

Speaking of K-cups....I, too, have ample K-cups...

for my Keurig coffee maker.

Ahhh...the K-cup....

A piping hot cup of coffee, which is actually good tasting.
The ease and convenience of the Keurig is remarkable.

Why the hell didn’t I think of it?

(Remember Kat, you’re stuck in the slow lane)

oKay now...

Sorry for today’s rant............

I need to take a moment...

sit back, chillax,

 and get my hands on a K-cup....

(Wait, that’s what he said.)