Kick Out of Vending Machines

I’ve always liked vending machines...and especially gotten a kick out of old school vending machines.

With so many enticing choices displayed in the glass case…a decision was never easy. Sliding coins in the slot ….a quarter…a dime…a nickel..and listening to them as they dropped, one by one. Pulling the knob out as far as it would go…and letting it spring back. Watching the goody fall to the tray…and reaching in to grab it. (Sometimes getting an arm stuck there.) And kicking it. Even if everything worked properly, the vending machine always deserved a swift kick. ..for good measure. Everybody knows that. The process was almost as good as the snack.

I remember taking family road trips as a kid, and stopping into a Full-Service Rest Area. Begging my parents for coins…so I could get a box of candy cigarettes from the vending machine. I loved to smoke those bad boys with the red tips . Sometimes I would smoke 3 at a time…one at each corner of my mouth and one dead center. Smoked like a fiend, back when I was 10.

Today’s vending machines are so much more advanced. As items got more expensive…they were designed to accept dollar bills…occasionally spitting out a George Washington, when it didn’t sit right with the machine’s taste.

Heck, now you don’t even need cashola on you. Just a credit card will do…should you want to purchase item E55. Occasionally I would push the wrong number, missing it by one, and end up with E56…the Nutter Butter peanut-shaped cookie. Ugh. Not a fan of those.

Not only can you get a bag of chips, cookies, candy, or drink…you can get stamps, DVD rentals, and even iPods. I will never bring myself to purchase an iPod from a vending machine. I think if the item is over a couple of bucks….I should probably find my way into an Apple Store and have a juicy discussion with an Apple employee.

I did a double take the other day, when Colinboy and I walked by a vending machine on a college campus. The vending machine actually made Hot Pizza. Good idea…college kids are always hungry…especially in the middle of the night. I just can’t imagine what it tastes like. I did notice there was one thing missing. An antacid vending machine next to it. Plop, plop, fizz, fizz.

I might go back and give that Pizza vending machine a try. I haven’t kicked a vending machine in a long time. I miss it...and need to get my kicks out.