It's COMCASTIC!

Everyone has their own Comcast story. A tale of a time Comcast made you run the gauntlet…forcing you to throw down the gauntlet. And we’re not talking a game for Xbox.

Here’s mine:

I logged on to Comcast.com to pay a bill, but encountered a typical problem…I couldn’t remember my password. (Remembering numerous passwords, PINS, userwords, and security questions has become impossible.) Before I was allowed to create a new password for my account…I had to answer a security question. “What is your favorite beverage?”

Huh? I hadn’t remembered choosing that question, but I figured it would be a breeze...slam-dunk/down-the-hatch easy. Heck, I know my favorite drinks. So I entered:

Wine? NOPE

Margarita? NOPE
Vodka Tonic with lime? Nope NOPE

I gave it my best shot…but I came up short in the beverage category.

They then instructed me to enter an instant messaging chat room with an agent named “Charlie”, who was there to “help”…which is a total crock of “pleh.” (“Help” spelled backwards.)

Our IM convo went:

Agent Charlie: “Hi, this is Charlie. Please provide the following information so I can authenticate your account:

Full name
Comcast account number (which is 13 digits long)
Billing address
4 digit social security

(Woo Hoo. I had all 4 numbers. Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing. 100 percent on my first test.)

Agent Charlie: Thank you. Please wait a few minutes.

Wait.. wait.. wait..

Katwoman: “Any more hoops, Charlie?”

Agent Charlie: “What is the 4 digit security pin you used during your installation of your phone service?”

Katwoman: “From 5 years ago?”

Agent Charlie: “What is the 4 digit security pin you used during your initial installation of your phone service?”

Katwoman: “Hey…my Blood Type is AB+ and my shoe size is 6 and half. I used to be a size 6 before children. If you were a woman, Charlie, you would understand.

Agent Charlie: “I need this to authenticate your account.”

Katwoman: “Sorry Charlie, but this is comcastic ridiculous. There’s more security on my Comcast account than there is security at a Dave Matthews concert. “The Space Between”… is huge. Buh Bye, Charlie.

Anywhooooooooooooooooo………............…...

I decided to go back to the first screen and try again with my favorite beverage. I was determined to give it the ole college try…just like most college students do with their beverages.

Rum Runners? NOPE

Beer? NOPE
Water? BINGO

Apparently water is my favorite beverage? Go figure. I must have been on the security question wagon that day.

I was then asked to come up with a new password…one that would be considered strong…something between 8 and 14 characters in length and containing at least one capital letter and one special character.

I decided to think of something I would not have a chance of forgetting. Easy…………Comcastsucks!

“Hey Charlie, that strong enough for ya???”

Apple Confession Bytes

Well……..

I did it. I downloaded the confession app from Apple. Just like I promised. This Kat always keeps her promises, except for the ones that I make with my fingers crossed behind my back. (Did I mention I’m 10 years old?)

Here is my review:

The confession app is pretty simple…you don’t need a higher power or divine intervention to help you figure it out. Just half a brain. BINGO. I have that.

First you enter your name and choose a password. It’s important to choose a password that no one could easily figure out…like, 007GodSquad.

There is a list of the Ten Commandments. When you click on a commandment…questions appear having to do with that particular sin. Next to each question is a place to make a check mark…should that sin apply. Example: Have you wished evil upon another person? Let me think. Does hoping the guy who cut me off in traffic hits the curb and flies out his window....count? It does?….CHECK mark.

There is a 'Custom Category' where you can write-in sins that don’t fall neatly into the Ten Commandments. Like on a voting ballot, when you feel strongly about voting for someone not listed. Like say 'Charlie Sheen for President.' You would think that pretty much every sin would be covered under the Big Ten. Maybe poking fun at Apple’s confession app is a sin. CHECKmark.

There is also a place to keep track of the date of your last confession...and a section with prayers that you could be asked to say when you are actually facing the priest during confession…or hiding from him behind the curtain.

Anywhooooooooo………………

I think the Apple confession app has the potential to sour. What if some hacker, figures out your password? Hey, it’s done all the time. (BEWARE of the computer geeks you let look at your computer for glitches…they’re really in the business of peeking into personal files.)

Also…be careful you don’t accidently leave the confession app open and say run to the bathroom, thus…exposing your sins. Try holding it…either, the act or the app. A list of sins in the hands of the wrong people…or any people…could be devaSTING. I emphasize STING in devasting.


Anywhooooooooooooooo2………….

When Adam and Eve bit into the Apple…that was original sin. Don’t you find it interesting that the Apple logo is a bitten apple? YIKES. So it only makes sense that Apple would be the first to offer a confession app. Hmm...I wonder what sins they have to diclose?

Just as long as my Apple products don’t have worms….I’m good.

There's an APP for That

Are you app happy? Do you have a large number of apps locked and loaded?

I’m not app happy…there are gaps between my apps. I own an iPad and a Droid, but I’ve only downloaded a relatively few apps, especially considering how many are offered.

I do possess the APPtitude for downloading apps, but not ample interest. So far I’ve only downloaded Stargazer and the Food Network…but I am thinking of APPlying more apps to my devices.

There are so many to choose from…where do you start? There’s probably an app for helping you decide what apps to download. I’m sure by now there’s a Tiger Blood App. Duh. And there’s probably an app for identifying lame blogs. (Note to self: make sure this blog isn’t listed.)

Anywhooooooooo…………….

There is one app that has grabbed my attention….the “Confession: A Roman Catholic App.” Absolution for a mere price of $1.99. YES…THERE’S AN APP FOR THAT.

The app is just perfect for Catholics-on-the-go. A Mobile Confession for the “let’s hurry up and get it over” Catholics. Holy App Batman.

Okay, it really isn’t designed to replace going to confession, but to act as an aid in your examination of conscience. You still have to go to a priest for absolution. (Hey, you can’t take away all the priests’ fun.)

Many Catholics do NOT enjoy going to confession…and laying their sins right out there for the priest to laugh at. (jk) I confess, I haven’t been in a while. Or years. But this new confession app just might do the trick as well as a MADAM in sin city. It could get more Catholics thinking about the act of confession. And that’s a first step.

Anywhoooooooooooooooo………

I wonder how it works?

Maybe the app categorizes and keeps track of the number of times you committed the 7 deadly sins: gluttony, greed, lust, envy, sloth, pride, anger...AND the 2 recently added sins: living-in-sin and ugly-as-sin.

I’ll download it and report back to you about my new app. I swear, I will.

OML. Oh My Lord…I just saw online that the confession app is now ON SALE. It has been marked down for Lent. Get OUT!

I am all over this. I can never resist a sale….no matter what I have to do or who I have to kill, to get it.

Name Objection

Do you get attached to “objects?” Inanimate objects? Not intimate objects…but ones that are just as personal.

Sometimes it’s hard NOT to get attached to things. A cell phone, fan, curling iron…become part of our daily lives and our routine….so much so, that some objects are given names.

Many people name their cars. I don’t, but I kiss them goodbye when the lease is up. Our friend, BillyA, once owned a car he called “Vincent”. Not sure where he came up with that? Maybe Vincent Price? Poor Vincent was smashed on both ends…front and back..not worth much. Vincent Low Price.

Recently I bought a GPS so that when we’re travelling, we know our location…even on foot. I don’t like the idea of using my cell phone as a GPS and wearing down the battery. A cell phone with a low battery…is dead to me.

I instantly fell in love with my new GPS…so much so…that I thought it was deserving of a name. My parents have one they call “Elvira.” I love that name, but I figured I should come up with my own. But what?

Because the GPS comes with a woman’s voice, I decided to listen to it first before naming her and see what name came to mind. Kinda like new parents who wait until birth to get a look at their child for any distinguishing features. I once knew a family with a child named “Boy”…I guess we know what they saw. There probably is a kid walking around called, “Conehead.”

When I first plugged in and loaded (hold the vodka) my GPS, she started firing off directions…over and over. Woah….slow down woman. She just kept on with her badgering voice. A name instantly came to mind, “Naggy Bitch.” I decided to go with “Bitch”…for short.

Anwhoooooooooooo…………..……

On our last trip in a rental car…PaulA, who would no sooner ask someone for directions than if lost for all eternity…asked if I had my GPS. When I realized my girl wasn’t with me. I said, “You looking for the Bitch? Oh, I locked the Bitch in the trunk.”

He looked at me and said, “You like saying that, don’t you?”

Well. Maybe. But I don’t appreciate anyone else calling my girl, “Bitch.” She’s MY Bitch…forever and always.

Starbucks at 40

Headline: Starbucks hits 40 this year.

So how does Starbuck look at 40 years? Any wrinkles? Any bulges? Any vision loss?

Hey, after 40 years you would think you’d see some signs of aging. But in this case…Forty never looked so good. She’s showing no worse for wear. She’s still going strong, and you don’t get the sense of her slowing down.

Starbucks may have gotten a few wrinkles in the face of the last recession a year and a half ago… when she had to close over 900 shops. But since then, she’s made a transformation…her last quarter was the best in her 40 years. A little nip and tuck AND some injectables to the bottom line can work wonders.

Over 40 years, Starbucks’ frame has stayed pretty trim with beverages such as Chai tea and skinny drinks. But you can be sure she will be expanding with the addition of Starbucks Petites...8 cravable sweets, such as cake pops, whoopie pies, and mini-cupcakes. These new products are expected to add a little bulge to the bottom line. This will add to her base and profit her as she continues to age.

Starbucks still has a lot of moxie and mojo…showing no signs of being sluggish. You don’t get the sense that at age 40, she is slowing down. You don’t hear of any creaky and broken down joints. Starbuck’s joints are always kept in tip-top condition and run like a well oiled machine.

Anywhooooooooooooooo…………………..

Even at 40, Starbucks still has good vision. She has always changed and postured herself with the times (Yoga probably has helped.) She still has perfect 20/20 vision…and without Lasik, she clearly sees her direction.

Many are jealous of Starbucks and her unique ability to still look young, perky, and relevant in a competitive world.

I hope I look that good when I’m 40. :)

Top Ten List for Flight Attendants

I would like to take this opportunity to thank Flight Attendants for their hard work and patience. Being a flight attendant is not an easy job. First of all, you have to put up with the masses and sasses. And second of all, you have to put up with the crasses and jack asses.

I’ve assembled a TOP TEN LIST of:

THINGS THAT PISS OF FLIGHT ATTENDANTS

Not buckling your seatbelt
Not turning off your electronic device
Not putting your chair back into an upright position upon landing
Standing in the aisle to use the bathroom
Calling them ‘waitress’ or ‘waiter’
Dropping the F-bomb
Dropping the “F” and saying “bomb”
Playing with the exit door
Fist fighting with other passengers
Standing up and yelling, “OH MY GOD, WE’RE GOING DOWN” during turbulence


You just know Flight Attendants are biting their tongues when dealing with passengers...not saying what they are truly thinking.

TOP TEN LIST of:

THINGS THAT A FLIGHT ATTENDANT WOULD PREFER TO SAY

Buckle your seatbelt, or I’ll strangle you with it
Turn off your cell phone, before I confiscate it and step on it
Put your chair in an upright position, or I’ll kick it back with my combat boots
Get out of the aisle, before I run you over with the drink cart
Call me ‘waitress’ one more time, and you can wait until hell freezes over
Stop swearing at me...you #$%^&, potty mouth
You better be talking lip balm...and not bomb...or we’re bringing in the Suits
Play with the exit door and you’ll be forced to watch the in-flight safety instructions on repeat
Go ahead and duke it out with each other....one less passenger to deal with
Stand up and yell “OMG, WE’RE GOING DOWN” one more time...and get muzzled

I like to think of myself as the model passenger. As soon as I find my seat on the plane, I buckle up. I would never be disrespectful of flight attendants and get in their way. This Kat always flies by the book.

And I would NEVER stand up and yell, “OH MY GOD, WE’RE GOING DOWN”...
I would just yell it from my seat. Not the same thing.

Gwyneth Gripe

Does anyone else have a problem with Gwyneth Paltrow? I don’t know what it is about her that makes me want to throw my clog at the television whenever I see her. (Note to self: throw something lighter...it’s a new TV.) Okay...I’ll just throw my blog.

I guess I should clarify...I like Gwyneth...I really do. She has never done me wrong, except for the time she borrowed my dress and spilled red wine on it. But other than that...I have no trouble with her as a person. I think she is a great actress and I enjoyed her in “Shakespeare in Love.” But now that she thinks she is a country singing star...I got a chicken bone to pick with her.

My pissy reaction to her probably has something to do with the number of times I’ve seen her on either Glee, CMA awards, Grammy Awards, and just recently the Academy Awards. On a bad note...it sounds like she intends to pursue a music career. She recently said she’d like to collaborate with Jay-Z. Uh Oh. I think Jay-z got “99 problems and Gwyn is one.” Yo

Anywhoooooooooo.................

I would rather see her husband, Chris Martin, perform with his band Cold Play. Chris Martin is a true artist...Gwyneth just plays one on TV.

Personally, I don’t think Gwyneth is country strong as a singing artist. And the idea of her singing hip hop is Ludicrous. (Darn, I’m good.) Gwyneth would be perfect for Broadway. I’d rather see her in a Broadway musical....during a Friday matinee.

Wait, there aren’t Broadway matinees on Fridays? He He...I knew that.