Cattle Cars

Whenever I fly,
I find it hard not to feel like
herded cattle...

especially when it comes to boarding a plane.

(Granted, that may be an overused understatement,
but every part of it,
is udderly true.)

Loading hundreds of cattle onto "cattle cars" is a colossal process and

  each airline has devised its own system
for getting everyone onboard.

Nevertheless...

 the process can get out of hand ...

especially when some cattle take to
stampeding

and
running each other over.

Moooove out of the way.

Moooove over.

Anywhoooo.....

Recently I flew US Airways

and

as only my

unfortunate,
unfavorable,
untimely
luck
would have it...
I was the recipient of a boarding pass branded ...

"Zone 5."

They might as well have branded my ass with

"Your Ass is Last."

or

"Last Ass onboard."

  I'm not entirely sure of the rhyme or reason...
or method to US Airways' madness 

but

it was as if they contracted mad cow disease,

and went haywire with their reasoning.

I just wasn't sure how I could end up
in the last zone for boarding...
especially since my seat was in row 10...
which I know is in spitball range of

First Class.

At any rate,
 being the considerate cow that I am...

I patiently waited as they made their way through the boarding
cattle call:

Individuals Needing Assistance

Military men and women

First Class
Business Class

Elite/Star Something or Nother Status

Dividend Miles Preferred Access

Zone 1

Zone 2

Families with children 2 and under

Zone 3

Zone 4

Zone 5

By the time they called my Loading Zone

I forgot why I was standing there
chewing my cud.

(Apparently, I should be put out to pasture.) 

Thank goodnes this crew showed a little compassion and
spared the cattle prod they usually use to keep us in line.

(that thing stings.)

Finally when Zone 5 was called

I nonchalantly boarded the plane.

At this point, I figured why start tipping over

the few cows left standing.

As I meandered to my seat...

(dodging the dropped cow pies in the aisle)

I  uddered to the flying cattle already seated...

"Mooocho Thanks 
for waiting for me."

"We should be Moooving any time now."