Westminster Gone to the Dogs

Hey…this is Duncandog here. I haven’t spoken in a while, but I have a few things I need to get off my barrel chest.


How do I get my behind in that Westminster Dog Show for next year?


I don’t think being a Portuguese Water Dog should make me a second class dogcitizen….although I am registered as a member of the Working class. (I’ve worked my butt off for everything I have…Kat never gives me anything for free.)


But do ya think Kat would ever put the time and effort into getting me into a contest like that? Noooo. I could never see it. Not a dog’s chance. She keeps me holed up in this hole of a house…dog day in and dog day out. It’s an endless string of doggie bad dreams…and an occasional Milkbone. Big whoop, Katwoman.


Anywhooo……………..


I got a look at the winner of the “Best in Show” this year….a Scottish deerhound named Hickory. Hickory-Schmickory. That dog is butt ugly. What a hound. Bow wow.


Her hair is so wiry and scraggly...you could exfoliate with it. I’ve got such nice soft loose curls. I never use a relaxer on them…just naturally soft and smooth…like a damn ProV commercial.


And did you get a look Hickory’s legs? Woah dog…those are some bony Olive Oyl appendages…only a Popeye could like those.


They say her breed is gentle and friendly. Yo, I can be gentle and friendly too…as long as you aren’t grooming my privates…or a little kid resembling a chew toy isn’t running around.


Apparently the judges prefer the wiry, long bony-legged and needle nose types…you know…the Camilla Parker Bowles type. This certainly wasn’t the dog-eat-dog competition that you would have expected.


I hope I’m not barking up the wrong tree with my complaints. I realize the contest has been going on for 135 years…but this year’s winner for “Best in Show” is definitely a sign that the Westminster Kennel Club is going to the dogs.


Whew…I feel better now. Thanks for listening.