Do you read the ending of a book first? I know…it sounds crazy…at least it sounds crazy to normal people like myself. I have a couple of friends, who will remain nameless….actually model this strange behavior. I would never be the one to put them in the spotlight and ridicule them…I would never do that.
For the life of me…I can’t figure out why someone would jump to the end of the book and read the ending. Maybe they do it because they don’t plan on reading the entire book. They don’t have time to read it or they are uninterested. But then again…why bother even reading the ending? Why would you care to learn that Mr. Fink went to jail for the rest of his life…if you didn't know why he was a fink…or what fink stuff landed him there.
Then again…maybe they do plan on reading the entire book….but jump to the ending because they don’t like surprises. They dislike ALL surprises…especially the kind of surprise where 50 people are standing in their home…yelling “surprise” when they’ve just walked through the door after getting caught in a rainstorm with no umbrella..and a bad encounter with a novice eyebrow waxer.
Whatever the reason…I still don’t get it. Another person, who will also remain faceless, told me that she was reading one of my blogs and jumped to the last sentence. What! Excuuuussse meeeeeee….Was I boring you that much…that you stopped reading and skipped to the end?
Wait…I think I’m onto something here. Maybe a good last sentence is what makes a person decide that something is worth reading. If the sentence makes an impact or impression on them…they go back to the beginning and read the entire book…or the entire blog.
Maybe from now on I should work on a catchy last sentence…something that would grab the reader’s attention …to read the entire blog. Let’s see if that works………..
Sistersledge is a huge horse’s patoot if she thinks she can get away with skipping ahead in my blog and reading the ending first.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Twitter Pipe
Why is the world all a-twitter? Frankly, Shirley, and throw in a Joey…I don’t get the mass interest in Twitter. I have talked about Twitter before in another blog and how there are some people like Ashton Kutcher and John Mayer who have over 1 million followers…while I only have a measly 4. Whoops, I’m not calling my 4 followers measly…it’s the number that’s paltry…not the people.
Maybe it could be said, “Kat is just sour tweets cuz she doesn’t have the masses or asses following her.” But Kat says, “I really don’t get it. I don’t get the tweet thing. I don’t give a tweet over twitter.”
The best thing about Twitter…is the obvious…it’s the name. The guy or gal who came up with the name “Twitter” is a freak of genius. Twitter is such a fun word to say…to write…and to do word take-offs. There are so many ways you can go with the word “Twitter.” Here a Twitter. There a Tweet. Everywhere a twitter tweet.
I think John Mayer is very witty….he definitely writes the twitiest tweets on twitter. He just might be King of the Tweets. I would consider him a tweeting genius. (See what I’m talking about with the word? It’s a sickness…I can’t stop myself.)
Okay, so John Mayer has The Twitter World and all its twits locked up. But I say, “John Mayer can keep his Twitter domain…and his million followers….I have the blog.”
Never underestimate the power of the blog. As a famous novelist once said, “the pen is mightier than the sword”….but…as a not so famous Kat novelist once said, “the blog is mightier than the tweet.”
Put that in your twitter pipe, John Mayer, and tweet it.
Maybe it could be said, “Kat is just sour tweets cuz she doesn’t have the masses or asses following her.” But Kat says, “I really don’t get it. I don’t get the tweet thing. I don’t give a tweet over twitter.”
The best thing about Twitter…is the obvious…it’s the name. The guy or gal who came up with the name “Twitter” is a freak of genius. Twitter is such a fun word to say…to write…and to do word take-offs. There are so many ways you can go with the word “Twitter.” Here a Twitter. There a Tweet. Everywhere a twitter tweet.
I think John Mayer is very witty….he definitely writes the twitiest tweets on twitter. He just might be King of the Tweets. I would consider him a tweeting genius. (See what I’m talking about with the word? It’s a sickness…I can’t stop myself.)
Okay, so John Mayer has The Twitter World and all its twits locked up. But I say, “John Mayer can keep his Twitter domain…and his million followers….I have the blog.”
Never underestimate the power of the blog. As a famous novelist once said, “the pen is mightier than the sword”….but…as a not so famous Kat novelist once said, “the blog is mightier than the tweet.”
Put that in your twitter pipe, John Mayer, and tweet it.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Done-me-wrong Song
Nothin’ like a country song. I love the lyrics in country songs and how they tell a story. I especially love singing along to the song by Billy Currington: “God is great, Beer is good…and People are crazy.” Amen, Brother.
Most country songs are fun…they talk about barbecue, beer and babes. Or they talk about trucks, tires, and tomatoes (okay…that’s the PG version) I could have mentioned a word that rhymes with Zits. Hehehe. Or they talk about heartstrings, heartache, or heartbreakers.
Taylor Swift is the princess of country music right now. How old is she anyway? 12? I realize that she does have enormous talent…but the only problem is, if you listen to the words of her songs…they are all about the same thing. About how she’s the girl in school who longs for the boy who doesn’t notice her. Cripe…she’s sitting right next to him…and for some reason he's clueless that the prettiest girl in school is all whack job over him...with tears on her guitar. Boo hoo Taylor, grow up.
Sorry Taylor Swift fans. I admit, that’s not fair…that’s what Taylor is doing…she’s growing up. I take that back.
In a month I will be an empty-nester...now I’m thinking…maybe I should take up writing country songs to fill my time. I might write me a sad sack song…like every other country songwriter writes…’bout some bad ass guy who done me wrong…and he a-better watch his back…cuz I’m a-gonna get even. Just another …done-me-wrong song.
Or maybe I’ll write one about partying. Love it! How I had a night out partying with Margarita, Martini and Mai Tai…and they done me wrong…so now I’m a-gonna get even…just another…done-me-wrong song.
Once you get the formula down…everyone is a dang country songwriter. Nashville, here I come. Move over Taylor Swift.
Most country songs are fun…they talk about barbecue, beer and babes. Or they talk about trucks, tires, and tomatoes (okay…that’s the PG version) I could have mentioned a word that rhymes with Zits. Hehehe. Or they talk about heartstrings, heartache, or heartbreakers.
Taylor Swift is the princess of country music right now. How old is she anyway? 12? I realize that she does have enormous talent…but the only problem is, if you listen to the words of her songs…they are all about the same thing. About how she’s the girl in school who longs for the boy who doesn’t notice her. Cripe…she’s sitting right next to him…and for some reason he's clueless that the prettiest girl in school is all whack job over him...with tears on her guitar. Boo hoo Taylor, grow up.
Sorry Taylor Swift fans. I admit, that’s not fair…that’s what Taylor is doing…she’s growing up. I take that back.
In a month I will be an empty-nester...now I’m thinking…maybe I should take up writing country songs to fill my time. I might write me a sad sack song…like every other country songwriter writes…’bout some bad ass guy who done me wrong…and he a-better watch his back…cuz I’m a-gonna get even. Just another …done-me-wrong song.
Or maybe I’ll write one about partying. Love it! How I had a night out partying with Margarita, Martini and Mai Tai…and they done me wrong…so now I’m a-gonna get even…just another…done-me-wrong song.
Once you get the formula down…everyone is a dang country songwriter. Nashville, here I come. Move over Taylor Swift.
Friday, July 24, 2009
It's All About the Voice
There has been so much fuss made about Susan Boyle's looks. About what she used to look like…versus…what she currently looks like. Personally, I don’t care what she looks like. It’s all about the voice.
I wonder if Susan Boyle has the voice box to be the “new” Barbra Streisand? Granted, there is only one Barbra...who happens to be my all time favorite. I've been a Streisand fan since I was in my twenties (only last week). I was a B.S. freak. I loved anything and everything Barbra. But Susan Boyle is quite promising.
I hear Susan Boyle is coming out with a CD in the fall. I think Susan Boyle’s voice is so beautiful that if she sings the standards, I could also become a S.B. freak. Interesting…. Barbra Streisand's intials and Susan Boyle’s initials are the same…but different. (You know what I mean.)
“They” say Susan Boyle has changed and gone “glam.” I say, “What’s the big darn dealio?” Take a look at all the different transformations of the contestants on the show, American Idol. I think you should be able to improve your appearance without it being seen as a negative. Let’s Face it…those unruly eyebrows should never be seen on anyone…unless, of course, you are Andy Rooney. I think most of us would entertain the idea of a makeover…why wouldn’t Susan Boyle?
Plus…it’s not like she’s had any lifts, tucks or lipo. She basically took care of a little grooming… got a more modern haircut…hair color…and some make-up.
For some reason people want to keep her in a box. The Susan Boyle box of frumpy clothing, bushy eyebrows, and ratty hair. Is that fair? I say, let her out of the box and let her decide what she wants to look like. It all about the voice, anyway. She’s already proven…it’s not about her looks.
I wonder if Susan Boyle has the voice box to be the “new” Barbra Streisand? Granted, there is only one Barbra...who happens to be my all time favorite. I've been a Streisand fan since I was in my twenties (only last week). I was a B.S. freak. I loved anything and everything Barbra. But Susan Boyle is quite promising.
I hear Susan Boyle is coming out with a CD in the fall. I think Susan Boyle’s voice is so beautiful that if she sings the standards, I could also become a S.B. freak. Interesting…. Barbra Streisand's intials and Susan Boyle’s initials are the same…but different. (You know what I mean.)
“They” say Susan Boyle has changed and gone “glam.” I say, “What’s the big darn dealio?” Take a look at all the different transformations of the contestants on the show, American Idol. I think you should be able to improve your appearance without it being seen as a negative. Let’s Face it…those unruly eyebrows should never be seen on anyone…unless, of course, you are Andy Rooney. I think most of us would entertain the idea of a makeover…why wouldn’t Susan Boyle?
Plus…it’s not like she’s had any lifts, tucks or lipo. She basically took care of a little grooming… got a more modern haircut…hair color…and some make-up.
For some reason people want to keep her in a box. The Susan Boyle box of frumpy clothing, bushy eyebrows, and ratty hair. Is that fair? I say, let her out of the box and let her decide what she wants to look like. It all about the voice, anyway. She’s already proven…it’s not about her looks.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Blogus Interruptus
If you’ve read my blog with any regularity, you may have noticed that recently I have come down with a condition. The condition is an interruption in blogging…otherwise known as blogus interruptus…a failure to be regular.
There will be times this summer when my blogs will be irregular and lacking. Don’t worry they won’t be lacking…in uncanny wit and imagination (yep)…and they won’t be lacking in pro’s prose…AND they definitely won’t be lacking in dot dot dots…BUT they will lacking in numbers. The cause for this condition is due to the season…summertime.
“Summertime and the living is easy” ….sing with me. It’s the time to relax, sleep late, take walks on the beach, and take a serious series of katnaps…in the hammock, on the lawn, on the porch, on the beach. Anyway, all this activity might keep me away from habitual blogging…so I won’t be as regular.
Besides, I must admit the other reason for blogus interruptus is that when I’m away at the beach…my blog chair doesn’t feel the same. It doesn’t have the same comfy cozy fit with my butt…you know, the way an ole shoe fits your foot…all broken-in and soft like butta. My beach blog chair feels stiff and foreign…so it impedes the flow of creative thoughts. I’m basically like the Nile River which flows from south to north…my creative thoughts flow from my seat to my head.
The other MAJOR factor leading to blogus interrupus is simple: the sun is shining.
In order to get through this period of blogus interruptus, there will be times when I will feel compelled to post an old blog…a blog drudged up from the bowels of previous blog posts…and dusted off to look like new. And then there will be other days…when my blog will look like the usual…out to lunch.
Blogus Interruptus, however, is a temporary condition and will be reversed when summertime has ended.
I look forward to getting over my condition of bloggus interuptus soon…so you and I can become regular again.
There will be times this summer when my blogs will be irregular and lacking. Don’t worry they won’t be lacking…in uncanny wit and imagination (yep)…and they won’t be lacking in pro’s prose…AND they definitely won’t be lacking in dot dot dots…BUT they will lacking in numbers. The cause for this condition is due to the season…summertime.
“Summertime and the living is easy” ….sing with me. It’s the time to relax, sleep late, take walks on the beach, and take a serious series of katnaps…in the hammock, on the lawn, on the porch, on the beach. Anyway, all this activity might keep me away from habitual blogging…so I won’t be as regular.
Besides, I must admit the other reason for blogus interruptus is that when I’m away at the beach…my blog chair doesn’t feel the same. It doesn’t have the same comfy cozy fit with my butt…you know, the way an ole shoe fits your foot…all broken-in and soft like butta. My beach blog chair feels stiff and foreign…so it impedes the flow of creative thoughts. I’m basically like the Nile River which flows from south to north…my creative thoughts flow from my seat to my head.
The other MAJOR factor leading to blogus interrupus is simple: the sun is shining.
In order to get through this period of blogus interruptus, there will be times when I will feel compelled to post an old blog…a blog drudged up from the bowels of previous blog posts…and dusted off to look like new. And then there will be other days…when my blog will look like the usual…out to lunch.
Blogus Interruptus, however, is a temporary condition and will be reversed when summertime has ended.
I look forward to getting over my condition of bloggus interuptus soon…so you and I can become regular again.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Speed Perspective
I would not say I am a speed freak and have the need for speed. But like everyone, sometimes I can get going a little too fast. It’s a beautiful day…and I’m singing to the radio. Before I know it, I am going 10-15 mph over the speed limit. Yikes, a cop could be anywhere….
The thing that yanks me is when I am moving right along and come up behind someone driving slowly … someone who ruins my momentum. The person is driving the posted speed limit, but it seems like he's hardly moving…so I brake and think the ole Codger is a pain in the (_!_). Now, I am stuck on some small country road going exactly 30 mph. I am thinking of a few choice words for the man in front of me. I get a little closer to his bumper… “Do you see me crawling up your tail pipe, Codger?”
The next thing I know, we go over a hill and I see a Cop hiding on the side of the road behind some bushes. But he can’t pull me over…I am going the speed limit. I am such a law abiding citizen.
Now all of a sudden, I like the ole guy in front of me. Codger saved me. I don’t have to sweat it out and keep checking my rearview mirror…thinking at any moment, the blue-lights and siren are headed my way. (Like last week.) I am so happy with Codge that I want to make him my BFF…give him a pat on the back…Thata boy. I want to hug the guy….
Until after the next 10 miles…Codger is still going exactly 30 mph. I have had enough of this crap. “Come on, you slow son-of-a-gun….put some lead in it…get your butt moving…I don’t have all day!”
It is funny how quickly things can change with perspective.
The thing that yanks me is when I am moving right along and come up behind someone driving slowly … someone who ruins my momentum. The person is driving the posted speed limit, but it seems like he's hardly moving…so I brake and think the ole Codger is a pain in the (_!_). Now, I am stuck on some small country road going exactly 30 mph. I am thinking of a few choice words for the man in front of me. I get a little closer to his bumper… “Do you see me crawling up your tail pipe, Codger?”
The next thing I know, we go over a hill and I see a Cop hiding on the side of the road behind some bushes. But he can’t pull me over…I am going the speed limit. I am such a law abiding citizen.
Now all of a sudden, I like the ole guy in front of me. Codger saved me. I don’t have to sweat it out and keep checking my rearview mirror…thinking at any moment, the blue-lights and siren are headed my way. (Like last week.) I am so happy with Codge that I want to make him my BFF…give him a pat on the back…Thata boy. I want to hug the guy….
Until after the next 10 miles…Codger is still going exactly 30 mph. I have had enough of this crap. “Come on, you slow son-of-a-gun….put some lead in it…get your butt moving…I don’t have all day!”
It is funny how quickly things can change with perspective.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Weenies Only
You’ve heard of 3 dog night…right? How about a 68 dog day afternoon?
68 is the number it took to win the Nathan’s Famous July Fourth International Eating Contest. That’s 68 hot dogs baby…buns and all. The winner was Joey Chesnut for the 3rd year in a row…a three peat weenie, I mean winner…same thing.
He ate 68 wieners in 10 minutes. That’s crazy. I don’t think I could eat that in 10 days. Maybe I could in 10 years…which would be roughly 7 doggers a year…but that’s probably pushin’ the wiener casing.
The winner did have an advantage…he’s a professional eater. His other accomplishments include: 7.5 lbs. buffalo chicken wings in 12 minutes (hopefully mild…for his sake) and 47 grilled cheese sandwiches in 10 minutes. (Why couldn’t I have been born a professional eater?) That almost makes the contest unfair to all the other wiener hopefuls. What chance in hell did they have to win the contest with only an occasional pig-out session under their belts?
And the big prize? 20,000 dollars. I think the prize should come with a tub of Tums and a few gallons of Imodium. I guess 20,000 bucks was not a bad pay-out for 10 minutes of noshing, but you have to know, that guy will keep the bathroom Occupado for at least a week.
I did a little research on the hot dog and found that the earliest record of a hot dog type of product dates back to 1500 B.C. in Babylonia. The early forms were made by grinding up meat, and stuffing it in animal intestines and cooking it over a fire. Try not to think of that next time you cozy up to a Frank. Any Frank.
Then I read further…about how hot dogs were made. Trust me…you would not want to tour Nathan’s Famous or Oscar Meyer while they were in production. I have a quick and responsive gagging reflex, so I know better than that. Maybe that’s how Lady Ga Ga ended up with her name…she watched a weenie in the making.
I guess the contest is a really BIG wiener deal for some, especially if you’re into watching crazies cram mashed-up soggy dogs and buns into their mouths.
FRANKLY, I don’t give a damn.
68 is the number it took to win the Nathan’s Famous July Fourth International Eating Contest. That’s 68 hot dogs baby…buns and all. The winner was Joey Chesnut for the 3rd year in a row…a three peat weenie, I mean winner…same thing.
He ate 68 wieners in 10 minutes. That’s crazy. I don’t think I could eat that in 10 days. Maybe I could in 10 years…which would be roughly 7 doggers a year…but that’s probably pushin’ the wiener casing.
The winner did have an advantage…he’s a professional eater. His other accomplishments include: 7.5 lbs. buffalo chicken wings in 12 minutes (hopefully mild…for his sake) and 47 grilled cheese sandwiches in 10 minutes. (Why couldn’t I have been born a professional eater?) That almost makes the contest unfair to all the other wiener hopefuls. What chance in hell did they have to win the contest with only an occasional pig-out session under their belts?
And the big prize? 20,000 dollars. I think the prize should come with a tub of Tums and a few gallons of Imodium. I guess 20,000 bucks was not a bad pay-out for 10 minutes of noshing, but you have to know, that guy will keep the bathroom Occupado for at least a week.
I did a little research on the hot dog and found that the earliest record of a hot dog type of product dates back to 1500 B.C. in Babylonia. The early forms were made by grinding up meat, and stuffing it in animal intestines and cooking it over a fire. Try not to think of that next time you cozy up to a Frank. Any Frank.
Then I read further…about how hot dogs were made. Trust me…you would not want to tour Nathan’s Famous or Oscar Meyer while they were in production. I have a quick and responsive gagging reflex, so I know better than that. Maybe that’s how Lady Ga Ga ended up with her name…she watched a weenie in the making.
I guess the contest is a really BIG wiener deal for some, especially if you’re into watching crazies cram mashed-up soggy dogs and buns into their mouths.
FRANKLY, I don’t give a damn.
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