Wednesday, April 30, 2008

GPS - Global PaulA System

PaulA is a regular GPS device. His developed map skills and built-in compass amaze me. He can get around major cities and even foreign countries without any trouble.

We were in Italy on vacation with some good friends…Hope and Dig. :) We rented a small car…is there any other kind there? We got around the entire country with Dig at the wheel and PaulA navigating the signs and maps. They did a great job especially with every sign in Italian. “Pizons Alt!” They make a good driving team...you might see them on Amazing Race one day (that is, if Dig can talk PaulA into it.) And Hope and Kat make a good sleeping-in-the-back-of-the-car-with-our-mouths-wide-open-catching-flies team…you might see us on Amazing Race too.

The only time PaulA’s internal GPS system is not working, is when he is looking for something in the refrigerator. OMG he can’t find anything…he yells to me when I am upstairs, “Kat, do we have any Miracle Whip? I don’t see it.” …It is there honey, next to the Hellman’s! …. “I don’t see it.”…..Then use the Hellman's…what’s the big deal???

The frig is only 25 square feet, but for some reason he is lost in there. Italy was 345677889 billion square miles and he did just fine. Go figure!

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Very Meaty Story

Here comes the meat man…meat man you ask? Jokes aside, the meat man is the guy who delivers meat to our house…and I’m talking pork chops, hamburger, steaks, chicken. By the way, I don’t call him meat man to his face. I actually use his real name. When his truck pulls up to our house, I know I am on the meat hook.

We have known the meat man for over 10 years. The first day he showed up out of nowhere. Drove up in his pick-up truck with one of those deep freezers with the smoking ice. A regular butcher on wheels. With 3 little kids running around…I was an easy sell. It seemed like a great idea. I would always have something I could throw on the table…I mean lovingly prepare for my beautiful family. The only problem is, all 3 kids are not here anymore to eat all that meat. Do I need to be sitting at home gnawing on spare ribs and pork chops?

Being the salesman that he is…he gives me all the reasons why I should buy meat. Like…I would have meals for whenever Colinboy came home from college…and did I know college boys ate a lot of food? (duh) Oh, and I could have my friends over and entertain them. (Now that is an entertaining idea.)

I’m okay with the meat man giving me meat advice. The thing that gets me is…the meat man likes to give decorating advice…comments on what I have done with the house and even makes suggestions on paint colors and furniture. Decorating advice from the meat man is like…learning to dance from Heather Mills. Total Horse Meat!

Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
Meat man
Meat man who?
Meet man in St. Louis….okay not a good one

Knock knock…
Who’s there
Land Shark
Land Shark who
Land Shark eat Meat man….any better?

Monday, April 28, 2008

A-scaredyKat

I was born a-scaredyKat and you could say, I still am. I am the type of person who looks under the bed in a hotel room and pulls back the shower curtain. God forbid…someone jumped out. To this day…and I mean today…after looking for something in the storage side of our basement, I turned the lights off and ran up the stairs as fast as I could…as if I was being chased by the boogie man. How old am I? My treadmill is in the basement…reason right there not to work out. What if a wild madman is lurking down there, waiting to pounce on anyone wanting to get physical fit?

Back in the day before we had kids, PaulA and I lived in Jacksonville….It was our first night in our new house after living in a hotel for 3 months. PaulA had to be away on a business trip…so scaredyKat had to spend her first night alone. We had the phone installed and it rang…at 2 o’clock in the morning. I jumped to answer it and there was silence… then a hang-up!!!! I spent the rest of the night on the tile floor by the front door…in case I needed a quick exit. That was before I had Colinboy.

I think my kids at a young age caught on to my scaredyKat tendencies. One night when PaulA was traveling…I heard a thud that woke me up. I jumped out of bed and looked around. Nothing. Then I went down the hall to Colin’s room. He was getting back in bed. I asked, “Colin, did you hear that noise?” He replied, “Mom it was me.” (Then I saw that he was getting back in his bed…with his baseball bat.) So I asked, “Colin is that a bat?” He said, “Mom, it was just me. Okay, it was just me.” I didn’t say another word.

When PaulA is gone…this scaredyKat still sleeps with one eye open. I don’t have Colinboy at home anymore with his bat to protect me.

Friday, April 25, 2008

Briefly Speaking

Sometimes I think my blogs might be too long…contain superfluous words and descriptions. Get to the point Kat. Where are you going with this?

Some people are full of…words…and like to use many words to describe something. And then there are others who use few words….like to keep it simple and do not elaborate.

PaulA is a man of many words. When he tells a story, he elaborates… and makes a good story even better. Being a man of many words, is a good thing especially when you make a living doing deals. Otherwise saying, “Here’s the deal…take it or leave it.”…not so good and we would have starved long ago. Colin can also be very elaborate when telling a story, but will keep it short…very short…when it works in his behalf. “Mom, I didn’t do it.”

With the written word, people do not want to read long dissertations. They get bored fast and start skimming. That is why email and text messaging is so popular…it’s a fast-paced world out there and could you hurry up, please? Long emails…go by the way side…or straight to the digital trash can. My favorite emails are the ones that contain pictures and no words.

It is an art to express yourself in writing with as few words as possible. Let's see:

Kat, a middle-aged blogger, enjoys spending her free time writing blogs at her computer as she wistfully gazes out the window, lost in thought.

vs

Old Kat wastes her time blogging.

I could have written this entire blog with fewer words:
Some people are long-winded, and some have no wind. People don’t like to read long emails. Kat is an old blogger.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

The Blog Habit

Have you missed me? (Ya Kat, like a hole in the head.) I was thinking I better post a blog soon otherwise I would lose what few peeps I have…and then I would be peep-less. And what is a blogger without peeps? Think of Little Bo with out her peep…very sad.

Wishy has a vacation week off from school…so I decided to try a vacation from my blog. I needed to see what it would be like to give up my habitual blog posting. What would happen to me? I was wondering if I would go through blog withdrawal and start getting the shakes ...from lack of blog. The blog is powerful stuff. Before you realize it, the blog has its grip on you and you’re hooked. I have posted over 100 blogs and I am beginning to doubt my contribution as a productive member of society…hiding behind my blue screen and blinking cursor.

I thought I should take a break from blogworld…maybe start with shorter and shorter blogs. See if I could make it through one day…put one blogless day in front of another…and eventually string 2 blog-free days together….get something going.

Instead, I decided to go for it... go cold blog turkey…and I made it through 3 whole days. Then I slipped. They say you do that when you try to go cold turkey…that there is always set backs and it is common to fall off the blogger wagon.

So I acknowledge my weakness …Hi I am Kat and I am a hack blogger. I am admitting that I am powerless over writing mindless blogs. I have to examine my past blogs and make amends to those reading my postings. Maybe I need an intervention…have my family gather around me and tell me how I have not attended to their needs because I have been wallowing in blogs. Maybe a sponsor could help stop me when I feel the need to sneak off and fire off a blog.

I never thought that when I first started blogging back in September 2007 that I would still be blogging today. The blogspot website should come with a warning: Caution! Blogging can become habit forming. And lucky for you, I am finding it hard to kick the blog habit. :)

Friday, April 18, 2008

Pope Benedict XVI - The Closer

Pope Benedict XVI… is here! The Pope visiting America is a big deal even if you aren’t Catholic. You gotta love the Pope. And if you aren’t much of a fan…you gotta love Pope on a rope…a classic.

Pope Benedict will be in the U.S. for 6 days and will visit Washington D.C.(God knows G.W. needs some extra blessings), Ground Zero (God Bless the sacred ground), and Yankee Stadium(God knows the Yanks need mega blessings.) He will hold Mass for 57,000 worshippers in Yankee Stadium. Even with all those seats…you can’t get one now. I wonder if anyone is scalping tickets (admittedly, not very Christian.)

I’m wondering how long Mass will last inside Yankee Stadium. Mass usually lasts an hour…just the way Catholics like it…get in and get out. But maybe this will be like one of those marathon Yankee/Red Sox games and go for 6 hours. Yikes! (Note to self: do not try to scalp tickets.) I would think with a longer service (thus making us Catholics very fidgety) they would have a seventh inning stretch…I think that would make Mass very enjoyable. Maybe sing my new rendition of “Take me out to the …” during the stretch. This could become a new Catholic tradition.

I was thinking it was too bad the Yankees were out of town and the Pope won't be able to watch a game, eat some peanuts and spill some beer. I just hope that the Pope’s visiting Yankee Stadium doesn’t give the Yanks the one up on winning games against our beloved Red Sox.

You can’t mention the Pope without mentioning the Popemobile….not a dignified name, but a cool ride. I’m sure if Pope Clement V, back in the 1400s, saw the Popemobile of 2008… he’d give his gold mitre for one. A much better way to get around…then schlepping (I mean, spreading the Word) around the empire in the hot Roman sun while sweating profusely under heavy garb.

The other thing you can’t go without mentioning is the Pope’s red shoes. Have you seen them peeking out from under his long Pope kimono? He has brought back the tradition of wearing red shoes…they give him much needed fashion. He actually reminds me of Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz…..

When Pope Benedict heads for home…he’ll pack up his things…his Pope kimono, cape, and Popemobile. Then he’ll close his eyes, tap his heels together three times. And think, there’s no place like the Vatican.

“Take Me Out…” for the Pope’s Mass in Yankee Stadium:

Take me out to the Pope’s Mass
Take me out to the vowed
Buy me a rosary and crusifix
I don't care if I ever get kicks
And it's root, root, root for the Catholics
If they don't win, it's a shame
Cause it's one, two, three sins
You're out
At the old Pope’s Mass

Thursday, April 17, 2008

A Super Big Kid

Do you know an adult who is a big kid? We do…we’ve been friends with him for a long, long time. This person passed the age of 40 a few years ago…but missed the memo: “Dude…you have entered middle age.”

The best description of him would be during the annual Fourth of July parade on the Block…not the cell bloc at Sing Sing (I’m sure he was never incarcerated.) I’m talking Block Island. This was before the Block officials changed the parade route and put wild and crazy guys like him out of business. Guys like him were having a little too much fun.

You know the guy…the guy carrying a 100-ounce water tank capacity super-soaker… backup water pistols…and water balloons. Each year his super soaker got bigger and more high tech. He would take no prisoners. Just give him a reason…or no reason…and he would take you out. Those poor unassuming parade watchers would get an eyeful they were not expecting.

Every year the parade has a theme and everyone is welcomed to enter. He would always enter the parade under the guise of getting the kids involved. The themes over the years have been varied…a story book, a movie, a T.V show, or a president. It was interesting to see how he conveniently fit a water device into every theme. “What, I thought everybody knew George Washington carried a super-soaker and water balloons to ward off the British….I swear the 101 Dalmatians used super soakers to wash their spots off.”

And when it is his birthday…he is expecting the Big Kahuna treatment. You have to hand it to his wife…the pressure is on her each year to come up with the perfect celebration. (Girlfriend, you’ve got less than 2 months…tick, tock.) She has done an amazing job with his 30th and his 40th birthdays…each memorable parties …but his 50th will have to be the super duper of all events. (I just hope she has started planning…only 6 years left.) I’ve already thought of his gift for his 50th….(duh, get with the program already)…a super big, super-soaker.

The upside of having a super friend who is a super big kid is…he will keep the rest of his friends young…and Lord knows we could use that.