Curry Rant

I have to share an email Sistersledge recently sent me:

Subject: !Rant!

Ann Curry sucks! She doesn't know how to interview someone who has gone through a traumatic experience! Someone should give her a script to follow because she doesn't have a clue. Her low comforting voice is stupid!

Have a nice day!

I got a real kick out Sistersledge's email for three reasons:
1. Ranting apparently runs in our family.
2. Ann Curry does SUCK. (Like. A. Hoover.)
3. When a rant is followed by "Have a nice day"...the "ranter" looks less like Charlie Sheen.

I couldn't agree more with Sistersledge. PaulA and I are always yelling at the TV during Curry interviews...especially if it is with someone who has suffered emotional or physical hardship. Suddenly it becomes the Ann Curry Show.

In an effort to come off as empathetic and sympathetic...Curry goes over the top. She hunches her shoulders, leans toward the person, and pats their knee. (Sometimes the essence of Curry can be too strong.) Her voice turns deep and serious, and her head nods like a bobblehead doll. I'm thinking her serious tone comes from envisioning her life without her 3 million dollar/yr salary.

It takes her about 5 minutes to get through one rambling, stumbling question...then she cuts them off when they begin answering.

Anywhooooooooooooooooooo.............................

I'm not saying NBC should fire Curry. It would be hard to rid the studio of Curry. Curry has real staying power.

Curry does have some benefits (beside medicinal). Curry is good on assignments...far away from the studio. She's reported from war zones and even bungee jumped off a bridge. You could never call her chicken Curry.

So who are Kat and Sistersledge to judge her? I realize there are those who are real fans of Curry.

Different spices for different palates. I prefer sweet and sour over Curry any day.

HAVE A NICE DAY!

Squirrel Gone Wild

If you live in Bennington, Vermont...you better think twice about leaving your house. You could be jumped from behind...by a squirrel.

Okay, I realize this sounds like just another nutty story from Kat, but it's TRUE. Apparently there is a feisty squirrel terrorizing the townspeople of Bennington.

I realize that some folks have a fear of squirrels...squirrellyphobia. The mere thought of them drives them nuts...straight into macadamia madness.

Being from Vermont, I am used to seeing squirrels. Heck, some of my best friends were squirrelly, so I never understood the phobia. Squirrels seem so little and innocent...innocently playing with their nuts all day. But apparently the fear of a squirrel-gone-wild is justified. And I thought spring break was over already.

This particular squirrel isn't one of those nice flying squirrels that saves the day from Boris and Natasha types. He's the Freddy Krueger of Squirrels...jumping out of nowhere and on the backs of Vermonters. He's the Nightmare of Bennington's Elm Street.

The Vermont Chamber of Commerce can't be happy with this bad publicity. "Visit Bennington, Vermont - home of the Satonic Squirrel." They would prefer to be known for their gorgeous green mountains, amazing ski resorts, and yummy Ben and Jerry's ice cream.

Great Idea for a new Ben and Jerry's flavor: the Nutty Squirrel...maple ice cream chocked full of acorns.

Anywhooooooooooo...............................

What makes a squirrel want to scare the bejesus out of innocent Vermonters? That question is a tough nut to crack. It could have something to do with all that clean Vermont air.

Fresh air breeds tough, badass creatures who will bust a nut if they have to. I would venture to say, this particular squirrel, like a lot of Vermont creatures, has balls to go along with its nuts.

Let the Flogging Begin

With the promise of the spring season comes the anticipation of birds singing, daffodils blooming, and the game of GOLF.

Gimme a G...O...L...F. Whatta ya got?

FLOG. That's golf spelled backwards and that's what occurs when I play the game. I flog myself with a stick for 18 holes. And boy does it hurt. YOUCH.

Each spring season I am excited about the game...as are most golfers. I'm always hopeful that during the winter a fairy magically granted me golf skills...and turned me into a decent, respectable player. Instead of granting me the usual magically delicious Lucky Charms.

Anywhooooooooo................

When I first get out for the season, I actually play well. Everything is par for the course (just an expression. I'm not that accurate.) The sun is shining...the course is pretty...and I'm out with friends. What could be more fun than playing golf with my peeps on a nice sunny day? Well...maybe drinking wine with my peeps...any day.

I even manage to drive the ball in the fairway...make some good chips...and a few good putts. That's exactly when I start thinking "I got game." And my friends start thinking it too. The bubbles over their heads say, "Yes! The fairy golf god finally visited Kat. Woo Hoo."

Unfortunately just as my peeps start thinking there is hope for my game...my game turns to flogging. That's when reality shits. I mean, hits. P.U. My game stinks.

It only takes a few rounds before I realize I'm STILL the hack golfer that I was last season.

So after another specialty Kat trick shot...one where my ball bounces off two trees and then lands back at my feet...I notice them rubbing their noses. I knew it ...my peeps think I stink too.

Ahhh Spring. Anticipation of another flogging season.

Baby FACE

I couldn't resist writing about this picture. Plus I got NADA, ZILCH, CRAP to write about today. So I'll start with this picture and see where it take me.





I'm not related to this little monkey baby...but I would totally take it.
Okay, well...not steal the baby. I wouldn't steal it...that's wrong.
I'd have the baby...except I wouldn't want to give birth to it...
I'd take care of it...Well, maybe...I'd babysit it...
for a few hours...when I wasn't busy.

And by "it"...I mean "baby." But I do adore this baby face.

Anywhoooooooo........................

My other favorite baby...other than the three I birthed....is the eTrade baby. Oh, so cute and Oh, so smart. I guess my three were a little slow. They didn't start trading until they were 3 years old...and then they were just day trading their toys.

I have to admit, I'm not a big fan of the new baby in the eTrade commericials. Apparently, I'm not the only one who thinks that. Some have said that the new eTrade baby is ugly. Hey, there's no such thing as an ugly baby. That's an oxymoron...moron.

Unfortunately the original eTrade baby grew itself out of work...so they were forced to replace him. But not successfully.

Let's face it baby...most originals are hard to replace.

Even Charlie Sheen in 2.5 Men is hard to replace. Think about it...Who could the network find that has both Tiger Blood and Adonis DNA...to take Sheen's place?

Not so easy.

Huskies - Best In Show

The dog contest is over. By now we all know what dog was BEST IN SHOW...The University of Connecticut HUSKIES! Woof Woof

Okay, so the show wasn't exactly pretty.

Okay, so the show was kinda ugly.

But the Huskies were less ugly than the Bulldogs. (I could have told you that before the game. But maybe you like the Bulldog wrinkled snout and underbite.)

As spectators, we might have seen a lot more panting than prancing...a lot more fatigue than finesse, but it was still a fun show to watch. So we should throw them a bone. Or a biscuit.

So what caused both dogs to not perform like they normally do in the grand ring? Were the Bulldogs and Huskies distracted...by the size of the arena...the bright lights...the spectators? People screaming and waving their hands can pull a dog off his mark.

Anywhoooooooooooooooo...............

Every dog has his day, but this was the Huskies' night. The Huskies' handler, Jim Calhoun, had spent all season grooming his dogs for this big show. And the Huskies beat out their competition in all areas of show: appearance, agility, structure, movement, and temperament.

Granted, Calhoun had a good pedigree to work with, but they are young Huskies...many are mere pups...EXCEPT for Top Dog, Kemba.

The score was the Final JUDGE. 53-41

HUSKIES.....BEST IN SHOW

(ps. If any teams with dog mascots are in the final next year, I'm in big doggie-do. I've exhausted all dog references.)

Dog Fight in Houston

Dog fighting is illegal...except when it's the University of Connecticut Huskies VS the Butler University Bulldogs in the NCAA Basketball Tournament.

And Ladies and Gentlemen...this game promises to be a dog-eat-dog contest in the heart of Houston. Hot diggity dog meat. Both teams will want to dominate early and will fight each other to the bitter end...to be the last dog standing.

The Bulldogs are dogs to watch...if you can get past their ugly faces. I prefer the face of the Husky. This Kat is rooting for UCONN. After all, I do live in Connecticut, and I also sing the National Anthem at Husky games. Besides my Alma mater is the University of Vermont, which doesn't make a habit of going to the NCAA Basketball Tournment. (Different story on ice and snow.)

The Final is being held at Reliant Stadium on a big stage...big in importance and big in place. Everything is BIG in Texas. Both dogs want to play their best and will refuse to dog-it before the final minute has been played.

Both the Huskies and the Bulldogs have played before in a Final for the National Championship. Both dogs have worked hard and been trained every trick in the playbook. Rolling over and playing dead is NOT an option. They will be expected to follow every command from their leader...or end up in the doghouse.

When asked....they will jump. Or run. Or chase. Or sit and stay on the bench. (And beg to get back in the fight.) It will be a tough dog fight and not a walk in the park...but an ole fashioned licking. Anyway it goes....sometimes it's the lucky dog that ends up being top dog.

Anywhooooooooooooo.................

There will be a lot of people watching the dog fight tonight. Whether courtside among 75,000 other fans, on television, or online...there will be big names and celebs tuning in...like the Bush's and Snoop Dog. You can bet Michael Vick will also be watching...he hates to miss a good dog fight.

Should the Huskies become dominant over the Bulldogs and win this dog fight...it will be a BIG treat for the Huskies AND all their fans.

GO HUSKIES!

GOTCHA

It's April First...so watch out today for pranks, mischief, and tomfoolery...you never know where it will come from. It can even come from reputable sources...professors, the newspaper, the radio...the PaulA.

About ten years ago on April 1st, Burger King announced they were offering the "Left-handed Whopper." The condiments were rotated 180 degrees so the toppings would no longer squish out from the right side of the bun. Equal rights for lefty burger lovers.

Thousands of customers requested the new left-handed Whopper...and others made sure they got the original right-handed burger. Apparently there were a lot of gulp-able people who swallowed that one WHOLE. But why wouldn't they...we have left-hand scissors? It might even be a mandate in the "Bill of Equal Handed Rights." Hey, you gotta hand it to BK...(left or right?)...What a Whopper of a prank.

I used to love April Fool's Day when the kids were little.
Colinboy would limp in the door after school and say, "Mom, I broke my leg. APRIL FOOL'S! Then he'd take off in a full sprint across the room.
Big C would put on a sad face and say, "Mom, I flunked my spelling test. APRIL FOOL'S! I got a 100!
Wishy would get excited and yell, "Momma, there's a big spider behind you! APRIL FOOL'S.
Those pranksters were so clever. I don't how they did it...but they GOT me every time.

Anywhooooooooooo...............

Everyone is a jokester on April 1st...even PaulA. This morning he sent an email to the family that he was getting his head shaved before noon for charity and would send out a picture later.

PaulA's brother emailed back: I hope you don't end up looking like that shooter in Arizona. But the kids freaked...at least for a little while. Big C called me from work and Colinboy kept texting me.

I hated to do it...but I had to play along with PaulA's ruse...at least for a little while. I thought of all those time those little devils GOT me.....
Pay Back is a Bitch.

Kudos to PaulA for a clever April Fool's GOTCHA.

PS. Rabbit, rabbit, rabbit