Thank you SuperDave

I’m coming to you from the sunshine state….which happily so…hasn’t let me down. My sister Jayniebug and I are visiting my parents who are also visiting my grandparents in a retirement senior community. I’m pretty sure my grandparents have lived in this community the longest. If you add their ages together you would get the grand total of 187. I think that qualifies them as super seniors. I’m hoping they get to 200.

I dragged along my laptop with me to keep me connected with the outside world. Otherwise, I would be lead to believe the world consisted of only sunny retirees with nothing but time on their hands waiting for shuffleboard heaven.

My first day here I started to sweat….not from heat exhaustion, but from wondering where I was gonna plug in…find www. Ahhh…and I found it…at the recreation center. A big room with ping pong pool tables , gym equipment, and 3 card tables set up next to the wall. I made my way to a table through a sea of 35 smiling seniors all milling about…waiting. Something was up. Before I knew it…lines quickly formed and the boom box started:

My hearts on fire Elvira
Giddy up oom poppa mow mow
Giddy up oom poppa mow mow
Heigh-ho silver away

And before you could say, “What the hell?”...they were on autopilot…line dancing with perfection. And this was the beginner group.

One thing I’ve noticed while here is that everything is done early. Why delay? You get up early, have lunch early, and eat dinner early. The first night we hit the early bird dinner at 5 pm, and my stomach wasn’t exactly quite sure what was happening. But I got used to it. Plus I’ve found the early bird catches the worm.

I have to admit, some changes were easier to get used to than others. Like happy hour at 4 pm. What an ingenious idea.……Jayniebug and I were totally on board with moving happy hour up by an hour. Yahoo…giddy up oom poppa mow mow. Hey, have ya seen Elvira?

I haven’t been back to the rec center…not because I don’t appreciate folks doing a rockin’ line dance to Elvira…but I have found SuperDave.

Apparently I’m stealing internet service from a man next door with a superman complex. Thank you Super Dave…you’re my hero.

Giddy up oom poppa mow mow

Heigh-ho silver away

A Special Day

This is a special day. A Big C Birthday. Special to Chelsea….and forever special to us.

Chelsea, unfortunately, won’t be home to put in her menu request for the traditional birthday dinner. Her birthday dinner...when we sit around the table to celebrate Chelsea and to talk about the day Chelsea arrived.

Talk about how the morning of January 21st in Jacksonville, FL, I nervously said “PaulA…I think its time. I think I’m having a baby today.” How we called the doctor, dressed quickly, and grabbed the infamous blue suitcase I had packed 3 weeks earlier. How PaulA strapped me into our brown Saab 900s and took off, full-throttle…only to be pulled over by the police 1 mile down the road. How the police asked , “Where ya going in such a hurry, buddy?” and how PaulA replied, “Officer, you might not believe this, but my wife is in labor.” How the officer told PaulA, “Slow down. Get everybody there alive.” And how the officer escorted us to the front door of Baptist Hospital.

How Chelsea entered this world at 1:56 pm, weighing 7 lbs, 11ounces. How on January 21st, Chelsea made us deliriously happy, enormously ecstatic, wide-eyed, what do we do next, first-time parents.

Chelsea may not be with us on this special day, but Chelsea is with us.

Medical Mysteries Solved

Who among us hasn’t looked up some illness or symptoms online? Be it The Swine Flu, West Nile Virus, or the South Bronx Bug?

For me growing up, the tapeworm…was the number one illness that creeped me out. I remember getting a good look at one in the World Book Encyclopedia and I shivered for hours. I kept picturing the 6 foot worm growing in my stomach…eating everything I ate as it came down the Esopha-pike…even my Twinkies, before I had a chance to digest the crème center. I know there are a few who think the tapeworm would be an easy weight loss tool…but I’m thinking fewer Twinkies and more exercise might be easier than a tapeworm…by any measure.

Now ours is a world void of World Book Encyclopedia salesmen...an internet world that is often used to solve our medical mysteries. It’s a breeze to google your symptoms or a suspected illness and see if you are a match. Congratulations! You are a winner. You have Anthrax.

Google will turn anyone into a walking, barely-breathing hypochondriac.

For some, the mere mention of an illness can bring on symptoms…let alone reading about them online. I remember when Colinboy was sure his number was up...after hearing about meningitis…and after spending an afternoon in google world. Yep...he was a meningitis match. He had a headache…and he couldn’t stare into a light bulb for very long. And, if he stretched his neck in a vice grip…it hurt like hell.

We assured him his good health, “Colin you don’t have meningitis. You are a hypochondriac.” Colinboy looked clueless and asked, “What’s that?” Our advice, “Look, it up, son.” Colinboy googled it and came back with his startling revelation, “Yea! I have THAT…that’s exactly what I have. I have Hypochondria.”

Another medical mystery solved.

Revolutionary treatment for Hypochondria:
Take 2 aspirin……….And don’t google.

A Model Citizen

Harvard Graduate
Harvard Law Review President
Civil Rights Attorney
Illinois State Senator
U.S. Senator
President of the United States
Nobel Peace Prize Recipient
Add Model…to the list of Obama accomplishments.

Have ya seen this picture of the billboard in Times Square of Obama advertising a black jacket from the Weatherproof Garment Company? Yowser…that man can make a simple black jacket look good. Clothes just look good on Obama….he’s a natural.

The Weatherproof Garment Company is calling it “The Obama jacket.” The ad, however, is misleading because it looks like Obama is endorsing the jacket. The company actually photoshopped an AP photo of the President standing at the Great Wall of China into their ad…without his approval. But Obama was wearing their jacket….which is an endorsement of sorts, in itself.

Does the ad make me want to run out and buy the jacket? No. But there are folks who would weather the elements for the exposure of owning an all-weather Obama jacket.

Remember what OJ Simpson did for Bruno Magli shoes aka OJ shoes? After the trial…Bruno Magli shoes enjoyed a huge lift in popularity and even made a killing in sales. How murderiously ridiculous was that? So to follow… the weatherproof jacket… aka the Obama Jacket…might prove to be a windfall for the company’s bottom line…after they weather any criticism for using the ad without permission.

Hmmm…The Obama Jacket ad is making me think the President should consider modeling. Why not? A lot of models have side jobs. Plus, Obama could help out his fellow Americans by earning some extra bucks to fund his programs. And, if after 4 years, Obama’s day job doesn’t work out...Obama would resort to being a model citizen.

Duncandog Calling

Hi, this is Duncandog calling. I am a very clever Portuguese Water Dog who has figured out how to use a cell phone. I like sending text messages to my 2-legged siblings who are all away…and left me home with cranky Kat.

Speaking of cranky, when no one is watching, I sneak off and make random crank calls. Nothing like breathing heavily into the phone to freak someone out. And I think I might give sexting a try. Hey, it worked for Tiger.


Curses. The jig is up. It appears that I’ve been caught.

Heigh Ho

Heigh ho, Heigh ho, it’s off to school they go. Today is “Going Back to School” day…for Colinboy, Sweet Wishy, and Happy. Does it sound like I’m doing a jig over here in my blog seat?

Is that a smile on Kat’s face? Could I be the same woman from last September…the woman who was boo-hooing that her kids were flying the coop…and she was left with an empty nest… singing the “I’m-no-longer-useful, What-will-I do-with-myself, The-house-is-so-quiet” blues.

Well, THEY were right…all those empty nesters who have gone before me, were absolutely right. I would learn to appreciate how clean my house would stay...with no extra laundry, shopping, cooking…and the benefactor of consecutive hours of worry-free sleep. Now I can tend to the important stuff…blogging.

I will also have to spend the next few days looking for items I hid…mostly from Colinboy. Am I the only one hiding things from their kids, so they don’t run off with them? Problem is I usually do a great job of hiding things from myself. Now where is that phone charger?

Don’t get me wrong, I have enjoyed having the kids home. I enjoy their company…and LOVE them to pieces…just not some of the habits that go with being a nocturnal, eternally hungry, messy, chillax college co-ed.

Okay, I’m not really doing a jig. I’m doing more of a hip-hop………….
That’s what cool kats do.

Muffy

What do muffins and rolls have in common? Breakfast baked goods? Good with tea? Nooooo. Come on…think about it. They all have to do with your belly, silly.

And not what you put into your belly…but what your belly looks like. So I started wondering…What other foods are used to describe our bodies? Hmmm…we’ve got marshmallow, Jello, jelly, bacon, and sausage. Let’s just say I wouldn’t touch that last one…with a ten foot pole.

Back when pants were worn high and met the belly button… “Hello Belly Button”…it was all about packin’ rolls. If there were any rolls to be had…they were packaged in denim…well-sealed and preserved for years. We hadn’t yet learned of the roll’s sweet cousin….Muffy.

But time’s they are a changin’. Enter Muffy.

Now it’s all about the muffin. With low riding pants...the packaging is all different. There isn’t any place for the hips and belly to hide…so they spring up and over the waistband. Whala…a freshly baked muffin top. Yum. Yum.

With all this talk of baked goods…I’m looking for a little butter and jelly to slap on my muffins. Or maybe a little something for my buns. But wait, that’s a food of a different body part.