Picking and spitting, and digging and blowing…these are just 4 verbs describing the action in the dug-out of a baseball game. If you’ve watched baseball on television, you know what I am talking about. Inevidentably, whenever the camera pans over to the dug-out, in-between plays…you are seeing something that isn’t pretty.
The camera will catch a player with his finger up his nose...a regular coal-miner’s son. (The brother of the coal miner’s daughter.) I am sure he’s been told by his mother…a thousand times…that this is something to be done in private. Unfortunately, this is not what is happening…the excavating is seen by a million or so viewers.
Personally, I think the spitting verb is the worse. A quick saliva spit might be okay, but I never understood spitting...unless, of course, you are the spitting image of someone…or you are within spitting distance, of someone who is the spitting image of you. A spit of sunflower seeds looks disgusting when it emerges as a shower spray …but the worse is a spit that includes black, nasty chewing tobacco. I know spit happens…but I draw the line in the dirt with chew.
Yep, it is these types of activities that the camera people want to entertain us with in-between plays. Granted, there is a lot of down time with baseball. I know I am looking for things to do in-between plays, but spitting is not one of them. That’s when I usually go for a bowl of ice cream or paint my toe nails.
At the end of the game, the TV network replays all the great catches, runs, steals, home runs and puts them all together....a montage of great moments from the game. I dare them to replay the action in the dug-out…all the picking, spitting, digging, and blowing shots. A montage of this action would be an instant hit on YouTube.
After the Angels lost in the final game to the Red Sox in the ALCS …(yippee)…the cameras panned over to the Angels dug-out. So after we’ve watched the players pick, spit, blow and dig…now we have to watch them cry, sob, wail, and blubber.
Baseball dug-outs are not pretty.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Camp Linnyj
I’m having T-shirts made that say: I SURVIVED Camp Linnyj. Last weekend Linnyj and Mickster invited us and the candyKanes (a very sweet couple) to Nantucket. Albeit, the house was not exactly a camp…it was a first-rate gorgeous home. So I’m not talking about the accommodations. I’m talking about surviving Linnyj…that girl can run a Kat ragged.
Camp Linnyj itinerary: First…a two and a half hour ferry ride… through choppy water. How choppy you ask? The two little girls sitting next to us might have been able to tell you, but they were very busy...crying and spewing their lunch through their mouths and noses. Kats aren’t known for swimming, so the girls' commotion added to my fear and uneasiness. And speaking of uneasy…that would be my stomach.
After we were Nantucket side…It only took a few hours before my stomach was esophageal sphincter side up. Next on the itinerary: Happy Hour…a mystery glass of vodka mixed with something red, prepared by Counselor Linnyj. Then a great dinner out…where she force fed me a couple of cosmos...if I remember correctly.
After allowing a little sleep...the next morning it was rise and shine. The main activity of the day…a 20 mile bike ride into the wind. After which, Counselor Linnyj made us shop…til you dropped. Or in my case stumbled…that would be the cobblestone’s fault. Next activity: Happy Hour and dinner. The following day Linnyj had golf planned, but PaulA and I left the island in the morning. We heard she makes you run the golf course with your golf bag tied to your back, and drop for 50 push-ups on each fairway. I hope the candyKanes didn’t suck at that activity.
I always thought I was in shape until I went to Camp Linnyj. Linnyj finished the bike ride first and Yours Truly brought up the rear. PaulA stayed with my behind…to pick me up in case I took a header. Whoever came up with the expression “It’s as easy as riding a bike” has never ridden 20 miles into a strong head wind. There were times I was pedaling 40 mph and going nowhere…the same place that bridge in Alaska is going. I admit, Counselor Linnyj does have a little compassion for her campers…a soft side…when she’s not beating your ass into the ground. She did come back with her SUV to pick me up. But by then the house was just 100 yards away. Thanks anyway, Counselor Linnyj…but I got it from here!
So I SURVIVED Camp Linnyj. I’ll be selling those T-shirts on eBay if you care to buy one. They’re only five bucks a piece…but time with Counselor Linnyj….PRICELESS.
Camp Linnyj itinerary: First…a two and a half hour ferry ride… through choppy water. How choppy you ask? The two little girls sitting next to us might have been able to tell you, but they were very busy...crying and spewing their lunch through their mouths and noses. Kats aren’t known for swimming, so the girls' commotion added to my fear and uneasiness. And speaking of uneasy…that would be my stomach.
After we were Nantucket side…It only took a few hours before my stomach was esophageal sphincter side up. Next on the itinerary: Happy Hour…a mystery glass of vodka mixed with something red, prepared by Counselor Linnyj. Then a great dinner out…where she force fed me a couple of cosmos...if I remember correctly.
After allowing a little sleep...the next morning it was rise and shine. The main activity of the day…a 20 mile bike ride into the wind. After which, Counselor Linnyj made us shop…til you dropped. Or in my case stumbled…that would be the cobblestone’s fault. Next activity: Happy Hour and dinner. The following day Linnyj had golf planned, but PaulA and I left the island in the morning. We heard she makes you run the golf course with your golf bag tied to your back, and drop for 50 push-ups on each fairway. I hope the candyKanes didn’t suck at that activity.
I always thought I was in shape until I went to Camp Linnyj. Linnyj finished the bike ride first and Yours Truly brought up the rear. PaulA stayed with my behind…to pick me up in case I took a header. Whoever came up with the expression “It’s as easy as riding a bike” has never ridden 20 miles into a strong head wind. There were times I was pedaling 40 mph and going nowhere…the same place that bridge in Alaska is going. I admit, Counselor Linnyj does have a little compassion for her campers…a soft side…when she’s not beating your ass into the ground. She did come back with her SUV to pick me up. But by then the house was just 100 yards away. Thanks anyway, Counselor Linnyj…but I got it from here!
So I SURVIVED Camp Linnyj. I’ll be selling those T-shirts on eBay if you care to buy one. They’re only five bucks a piece…but time with Counselor Linnyj….PRICELESS.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Geniuses Only
With Bri already in her Senior year, we’ve been looking at many colleges for next fall. We are finding that, although the colleges are different…big vs small, urbs vs burbs….there is one thing they all have in common….their underlying message: Good luck getting into OUR school.
The colleges send you enticing brochures to get you to register for their information sessions and tours. Basically the info session is an hour long talk…when they tell you how great their school is, how hard it is to get into, and how you better be Numero Uno from your graduating class. They give you the enormous number of applicants that applied and the whopping percentage that were sent skinny rejection letters…and they SMILE, a smug smile, the entire time they tell you this.
Then they follow the talk with a slideshow presentation of kids looking into microscopes, working with computers, wearing protective eye wear….all looking so intelligent. The admissions people do everything they can…to impress upon you how extremely selective they are…and that you don’t have a rat’s chance in hell of getting your ass in their school.
Then it’s time for the tour…time to check out the campus and its facilities. I can’t wait to check out the students on campus. Bri is always interested too…she wants to get a good look at the kids…to see what they are like. I want to get a good look at the kids…to see what geniuses look like. So we walk by some dude riding one of those extra long skate boards…so this is a genius? And that girl sitting in the dirt …she’s a genius? And that guy wearing the Homer Simpson t-shirt…is a genius too? So all 20,000 students at this school are all freaking geniuses?…Studying rocket science, and electrical-mechanical-contractual-biochemical-computer engineering? But I never see the kid with the protective eye wear…Where is that kid??
The pressure builds….I start looking at the people standing next to us in our tour group. The Competition. The mild and meek girl from Schenectady…WRONG. She is really another freaking genius in disguise…as an unassuming girl from a small town with a goofy name. I start thinking of ways to knock her off.
I think universities inflate their status so they can justify charging an unprecedented gazillion dollars for tuition. They pump themselves up and try to make you feel like you are damn lucky to be admitted…that way you will be happy handing over gobs and gobs of money to attend. They want you to feel barely worthy…and that maybe you should even offer more than the asking price.
So Seniors…good luck to you, it is a cold, cold world out there. I hope you shine like the brightest bulb in the frig…before the admissions people shut the door in your face…and put your light out…while they smile ever so smugly.
Don’t worry though….If you don’t shine, like the 100 watt bulb that you are…for their school….You will definitely shine somewhere else.
The colleges send you enticing brochures to get you to register for their information sessions and tours. Basically the info session is an hour long talk…when they tell you how great their school is, how hard it is to get into, and how you better be Numero Uno from your graduating class. They give you the enormous number of applicants that applied and the whopping percentage that were sent skinny rejection letters…and they SMILE, a smug smile, the entire time they tell you this.
Then they follow the talk with a slideshow presentation of kids looking into microscopes, working with computers, wearing protective eye wear….all looking so intelligent. The admissions people do everything they can…to impress upon you how extremely selective they are…and that you don’t have a rat’s chance in hell of getting your ass in their school.
Then it’s time for the tour…time to check out the campus and its facilities. I can’t wait to check out the students on campus. Bri is always interested too…she wants to get a good look at the kids…to see what they are like. I want to get a good look at the kids…to see what geniuses look like. So we walk by some dude riding one of those extra long skate boards…so this is a genius? And that girl sitting in the dirt …she’s a genius? And that guy wearing the Homer Simpson t-shirt…is a genius too? So all 20,000 students at this school are all freaking geniuses?…Studying rocket science, and electrical-mechanical-contractual-biochemical-computer engineering? But I never see the kid with the protective eye wear…Where is that kid??
The pressure builds….I start looking at the people standing next to us in our tour group. The Competition. The mild and meek girl from Schenectady…WRONG. She is really another freaking genius in disguise…as an unassuming girl from a small town with a goofy name. I start thinking of ways to knock her off.
I think universities inflate their status so they can justify charging an unprecedented gazillion dollars for tuition. They pump themselves up and try to make you feel like you are damn lucky to be admitted…that way you will be happy handing over gobs and gobs of money to attend. They want you to feel barely worthy…and that maybe you should even offer more than the asking price.
So Seniors…good luck to you, it is a cold, cold world out there. I hope you shine like the brightest bulb in the frig…before the admissions people shut the door in your face…and put your light out…while they smile ever so smugly.
Don’t worry though….If you don’t shine, like the 100 watt bulb that you are…for their school….You will definitely shine somewhere else.
Monday, October 6, 2008
Theme Song
Do you know the old Television show theme songs? You might be too young for some…but there is always TV Land where you can get up to speed on all the classics. I’ve always loved the song for Green Acres. It was a great show with a great theme song. People still sing it…I heard someone singing it just yesterday. “Green Acres is the place to be…Farm living is the life for me.” Okay, actually that was me…but I’m sure other highly intelligent people sing it too.
Some of those old shows had the best theme songs. Don’t cha think? Gilligan’s Island, “Sit right down and I’ll tell a tale.” My favorite part was “a three hour tour.” The Brady Bunch, “Here’s a story about man named Brady.” The list is endless… All in the Family, with their off-key singing…Addams Family, The Jeffersons, Mary Tyler Moore, Laverne and Shirley, Cheers, Loveboat. These songs had the best lyrics that told what the show was about.
That is what is missing from today’s shows…theme songs that describe the show. So I got to thinking…maybe I could write a theme song. Maybe I could write one for the show 24… which I hear is premiering soon. You know the show I’m talking about. The one staring superman Jack Bauer who works for CTU (Counter Terrorist Unit)...who whispers instead of talks, and runs around, saving L.A. from nuclear attacks by bad guys on a weekly basis. I just love a reality show.
The theme song they use for 24 is an instrumental…it doesn’t tell you anything. So, here’s my attempt at an improvement. This is to be sung to the tune from Green Acres:
Jack Bauer is the man to be
Dangerous living is the life for he
Jack spreadin’ out so far and wide
Man of-the-hour is always on our side.
L.A. is where he’d rather stay
He gets allergic smelling the Bay
We just adore a Jack Bauer view
Dah-ling we love you but give us Phil Donahue
Okay…I still have to fix that last line…it just rhymed so nicely that I couldn’t help myself. Plus you young folks probably never heard of Phil Donahue. (For the record…he was the first Oprah.)
Here’s another attempt. Same first verse…but new ending:
Jack Bauer is the man to be
Dangerous living is the life for he
Jack spreadin’ out so far and wide
Man of-the-hour is always on our side.
L.A. is where he’d rather stay
He gets allergic smelling the Bay
We just adore the Jack Bauer crew
Dah-ling we love you and your friends at CTU.
Is that any better!!!???
Some of those old shows had the best theme songs. Don’t cha think? Gilligan’s Island, “Sit right down and I’ll tell a tale.” My favorite part was “a three hour tour.” The Brady Bunch, “Here’s a story about man named Brady.” The list is endless… All in the Family, with their off-key singing…Addams Family, The Jeffersons, Mary Tyler Moore, Laverne and Shirley, Cheers, Loveboat. These songs had the best lyrics that told what the show was about.
That is what is missing from today’s shows…theme songs that describe the show. So I got to thinking…maybe I could write a theme song. Maybe I could write one for the show 24… which I hear is premiering soon. You know the show I’m talking about. The one staring superman Jack Bauer who works for CTU (Counter Terrorist Unit)...who whispers instead of talks, and runs around, saving L.A. from nuclear attacks by bad guys on a weekly basis. I just love a reality show.
The theme song they use for 24 is an instrumental…it doesn’t tell you anything. So, here’s my attempt at an improvement. This is to be sung to the tune from Green Acres:
Jack Bauer is the man to be
Dangerous living is the life for he
Jack spreadin’ out so far and wide
Man of-the-hour is always on our side.
L.A. is where he’d rather stay
He gets allergic smelling the Bay
We just adore a Jack Bauer view
Dah-ling we love you but give us Phil Donahue
Okay…I still have to fix that last line…it just rhymed so nicely that I couldn’t help myself. Plus you young folks probably never heard of Phil Donahue. (For the record…he was the first Oprah.)
Here’s another attempt. Same first verse…but new ending:
Jack Bauer is the man to be
Dangerous living is the life for he
Jack spreadin’ out so far and wide
Man of-the-hour is always on our side.
L.A. is where he’d rather stay
He gets allergic smelling the Bay
We just adore the Jack Bauer crew
Dah-ling we love you and your friends at CTU.
Is that any better!!!???
Friday, October 3, 2008
Still Happy Together - 27 Years
We all know the story about Mary, Joseph and “no room in the inn”…but PaulA and I have our own “no room in the inn” story. Granted, we are no Mary and Joseph…and our inn story is not written in the Bible. We are neither that old or that righteous.
27 years ago today…we were married in Burlington, Vermont at the height of fall foliage season. The wedding ceremony was very memorable…most notably because our friends BillyA and TerryL played their acoustic guitars and sang, “So happy together.” If you aren’t familiar with this song, it is by the Turtles…not to be confused with the Monkees…different species. Anyway, that song has special meaning and memories to PaulA and I, because it was done by the best of friends.
27 years ago…Our reception was held at the Marble Island Resort outside of Burlington on Lake Champlain. It was a F-U-N reception/party…that started around 6…until 11 p.m. When it was time for us to bid our rowdy, partying friends farewell...we hoped that the place would still be standing the next day.
We headed back into Burlington for the Radisson Hotel. As we approached the front desk…the clerks looked uncomfortable and started scattering. We soon found out…they gave our room away…there was no room in the inn. We had made a reservation in advance and let them know we would be arriving late…but they gave it away. Undoubtedly, to someone who slipped them some cashola.
Anyway, the Radisson called the other hotels in the area….but there were no rooms available. After all, it was leaf peeping season and Parent’s Weekend at UVM. They finally found a room for us about 30 minutes north on the lake. Which happened to be… the same place we just left…where all our wild and crazy friends were partying/staying.
So what did the newlywed couple of 6 hours do? They headed back to my parent’s house…good ole Alice and Jerry’s. We knocked on the door and the house lights went on. My dad came to the door…to find his daughter and her new husband. You should have seen his face…priceless. Jerr was hoping that PaulA didn’t change his mind about the whole marrying thing. After some explanation…the new couple spent their wedding night with the rents.
Thank god Alice and Jerry had room in the inn. I’m sure Mary and Joseph would have liked the option of staying in their house…over that smelly stable. No sheep in Alice and Jerr’s place.
Happy 27th Anniversary, PaulA. Cheers to Us!!!
27 years ago today…we were married in Burlington, Vermont at the height of fall foliage season. The wedding ceremony was very memorable…most notably because our friends BillyA and TerryL played their acoustic guitars and sang, “So happy together.” If you aren’t familiar with this song, it is by the Turtles…not to be confused with the Monkees…different species. Anyway, that song has special meaning and memories to PaulA and I, because it was done by the best of friends.
27 years ago…Our reception was held at the Marble Island Resort outside of Burlington on Lake Champlain. It was a F-U-N reception/party…that started around 6…until 11 p.m. When it was time for us to bid our rowdy, partying friends farewell...we hoped that the place would still be standing the next day.
We headed back into Burlington for the Radisson Hotel. As we approached the front desk…the clerks looked uncomfortable and started scattering. We soon found out…they gave our room away…there was no room in the inn. We had made a reservation in advance and let them know we would be arriving late…but they gave it away. Undoubtedly, to someone who slipped them some cashola.
Anyway, the Radisson called the other hotels in the area….but there were no rooms available. After all, it was leaf peeping season and Parent’s Weekend at UVM. They finally found a room for us about 30 minutes north on the lake. Which happened to be… the same place we just left…where all our wild and crazy friends were partying/staying.
So what did the newlywed couple of 6 hours do? They headed back to my parent’s house…good ole Alice and Jerry’s. We knocked on the door and the house lights went on. My dad came to the door…to find his daughter and her new husband. You should have seen his face…priceless. Jerr was hoping that PaulA didn’t change his mind about the whole marrying thing. After some explanation…the new couple spent their wedding night with the rents.
Thank god Alice and Jerry had room in the inn. I’m sure Mary and Joseph would have liked the option of staying in their house…over that smelly stable. No sheep in Alice and Jerr’s place.
Happy 27th Anniversary, PaulA. Cheers to Us!!!
Thursday, October 2, 2008
"K" is for
We decided on a little impromptu trip, so we needed to dispose of our dog….I mean, put him some place where he would be taken care of. I think you know the place I am talking about…a place where dogs are housed, when their owners abandon them. You see, I can’t say the K word, because if I do…Duncandog goes ballistic…off the wall, with happiness. And this K word doesn’t stand for Kookie…which is something that would make normal dogs go ballestic…this “K” is for Kennel.
Duncandog loves the K place. Just one mention of the Kennel and he starts jumping up and down, all over me, and then runs for the door. I’m still trying to understand it. After we get there…he pulls me so hard on the leash, I almost face plant. While I check him in, he excitedly starts sniffing around and meets up with the resident Kennel cat…who hisses at him…. “Chill you stupid dog, this a damn Kennel…a freaking slammer….not Club Med.” He then goes off with the attendant to his dog quarters…and never looks back. As I watch his poochie butt turn around to leave, I think, “Thanks a lot Duncandog…after all I do for you…no sad look? You trader. Couldn’t you at least fake it?”
So we’re back…but I wait at home before I pick him up. I time his pick-up perfectly…two minutes before 12 o’clock. They don’t charge for the next day until after 12 noon. You see, I want as much peace from my dog as I can get. I mean, I want Duncandog to enjoy all his time at the Kennel. When I check out, they give me his report card.
I guess it is a cute idea…but come on…a report card for dogs. I do have to say, he got a glowing report so I am kinda proud of him. I’m thinking of framing his report card…and bragging to all my friends. Let’s see …it says: Duncan enjoyed getting to explore outside and spend time with us during his playtime! He enjoyed all of his food. He “eliminated” regularly. Duncan is a very sweet, good boy. He has such a loving temperament.“Nice comments Duncan….but next time I want to see some more A’s.”
The best thing about the Kennel…is that when Duncandog gets home…he is very tired. He hits the floor for the remainder of the afternoon…and puts aside his FBI duties of following me around. He’s probably dreaming…of the next time he goes to the K place. That’s funny…I’m dreaming ….of the next time he goes to the K place.
Duncandog loves the K place. Just one mention of the Kennel and he starts jumping up and down, all over me, and then runs for the door. I’m still trying to understand it. After we get there…he pulls me so hard on the leash, I almost face plant. While I check him in, he excitedly starts sniffing around and meets up with the resident Kennel cat…who hisses at him…. “Chill you stupid dog, this a damn Kennel…a freaking slammer….not Club Med.” He then goes off with the attendant to his dog quarters…and never looks back. As I watch his poochie butt turn around to leave, I think, “Thanks a lot Duncandog…after all I do for you…no sad look? You trader. Couldn’t you at least fake it?”
So we’re back…but I wait at home before I pick him up. I time his pick-up perfectly…two minutes before 12 o’clock. They don’t charge for the next day until after 12 noon. You see, I want as much peace from my dog as I can get. I mean, I want Duncandog to enjoy all his time at the Kennel. When I check out, they give me his report card.
I guess it is a cute idea…but come on…a report card for dogs. I do have to say, he got a glowing report so I am kinda proud of him. I’m thinking of framing his report card…and bragging to all my friends. Let’s see …it says: Duncan enjoyed getting to explore outside and spend time with us during his playtime! He enjoyed all of his food. He “eliminated” regularly. Duncan is a very sweet, good boy. He has such a loving temperament.“Nice comments Duncan….but next time I want to see some more A’s.”
The best thing about the Kennel…is that when Duncandog gets home…he is very tired. He hits the floor for the remainder of the afternoon…and puts aside his FBI duties of following me around. He’s probably dreaming…of the next time he goes to the K place. That’s funny…I’m dreaming ….of the next time he goes to the K place.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
I Approve
“This is John McCain and I approve this message.” “This is Barack Obama and I approve this message.” How many times will we hear political ads between now and the November Presidential election? Do these promo spots really help campaigns? Does the amount of spending for political ads, really equate to more votes? Hmm...that gets me thinking. If there really is something to getting your face out there…maybe a little Kat face time would help me.
Maybe I should come up with a 30 second spot for MySpace, or YouTube to increase my readership….a little promo to show my stuff. If I directed my own video promo, it would go something like this:
Camera: Close-up of Kat (but not too close…back that up, dude!)…sitting at her lap top staring at the screen. Hands on the keyboard in blogger position. People of all ages, race, ethnicities and sexes standing behind her. The American flag flying.
Music: a song playing in the background….something patriotic….something American. Okay, let’s go with Neil Diamond’s “Sweet Caroline.”
Voice-over Person: a booming, assertive voice announces, “Kat, the All-American blogger. She will expand your world…and give you insightful views of topical subjects. With only a few irritatingly, mindless blogs regarding random thoughts and boring family stories, and only a few hints of absurdity…she will enlighten your day. Check Kat out every time you sign-on to your computer…you will not be disappointed. She promises to keep her promise. And that’s a promise. Promise.”
Fade: Camera slowly pulls back…shots of Kat kissing babies…shaking hands with her blog supporters, playful puppies in the foreground…fireworks burst into the shape of Kat’s face. Camera fades away to the American flag.
Kat’s voice: "This is katOUT and I approve this message.”
Maybe I should come up with a 30 second spot for MySpace, or YouTube to increase my readership….a little promo to show my stuff. If I directed my own video promo, it would go something like this:
Camera: Close-up of Kat (but not too close…back that up, dude!)…sitting at her lap top staring at the screen. Hands on the keyboard in blogger position. People of all ages, race, ethnicities and sexes standing behind her. The American flag flying.
Music: a song playing in the background….something patriotic….something American. Okay, let’s go with Neil Diamond’s “Sweet Caroline.”
Voice-over Person: a booming, assertive voice announces, “Kat, the All-American blogger. She will expand your world…and give you insightful views of topical subjects. With only a few irritatingly, mindless blogs regarding random thoughts and boring family stories, and only a few hints of absurdity…she will enlighten your day. Check Kat out every time you sign-on to your computer…you will not be disappointed. She promises to keep her promise. And that’s a promise. Promise.”
Fade: Camera slowly pulls back…shots of Kat kissing babies…shaking hands with her blog supporters, playful puppies in the foreground…fireworks burst into the shape of Kat’s face. Camera fades away to the American flag.
Kat’s voice: "This is katOUT and I approve this message.”
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