I swear Duncandog is an agent for the FBI and his assignment…Follow that Kat. I’m not sure what the FBI has on me, but they’ve got Duncandog on my case…24/7. I don’t know Duncan's official agent name, but I have one for him… “Agent Pain-in-the-Ass.”
The FBI has done a good job of training Agent Pain-in-the-Ass to follow my every move. I can’t take a step without him jumping up to check my whereabouts. He could be in the middle of a nap…and as soon as I make a move, his head pops up… “Not so fast, Kat. Where do ya think you’re going?”
If I take the trash out to the garage…he has to follow me. If I get the mail…he has to follow me. If I go to the bathroom…he gets the door slammed in his face. The only peace I have from Agent Pain-in-the-ass is when I go upstairs…because we put an invisible fence in the house when he was a puppy. He can't go upstairs without receiving a neck jolt.
I always try to outsmart him. I carry my shoes and tip toe through the house…quietly trying to get out the door. But it never fails, his nose is always on the job. What freaks me out the most is when I look up and see him standing there…staring me down…waiting for me to make a move. What’s worse is when I catch him watching me…from around the corner.
I’m not exactly sure when the FBI recruited him, but this recon mission has gone on long enough. You think at his age he would have slowed down. They ought to throw Agent Pain-in-the-Ass a bone for being the most persistent, attentive, agent ever. Other agents could learn a thing or two from him.
So here I am upstairs in my house…hiding from Agent Pain-in-the-Ass. Okay, FBI….you win. I give up….What do you have on me????
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Monday, September 8, 2008
EmbarrASSing
Do you have an embarrassing story? You bet you do…everyone has at least one. But usually is it embarrassing for one person. My embarrassing story is embarrASSing for 3 of us.
PaulA and I were visiting my sister, SisterSledge, and her husband Daryl, Daryl and Daryl (to the third power.) Not three husbands silly, just one. Anyway, it was a gorgeous summer evening in Vermont, so we decided to visit an outside establishment (okay, an outside bar) on Lake Champlain to have some cocktails and watch the sunset over the Adirondack Mountains. Maybe we would see “Champ” …the Lockness Monster that has been sighted in Lake Champlain (you just know some Vermonter is laughing his ass off over that story he invented.)
The bar was a popular place during sunsets in the summer and this evening was no exception…all the tables were taken. Except one round white plastic table set off to the side. There were no chairs with it, but we figured we could scrounge 4 chairs. We decided to move the table. After all, the table was plastic so it wasn’t heavy.
So Sistersledge, Daryl to the third power, and I (Luckily for PaulA…he was in the bathroom) each grabbed the table, lifted it and carried it through the bar… “excuse us, so sorry, excuse us, pardon us.” After causing much commotion, we got the table to the middle of the bar and agreed it was the perfect place. The three of us let go of the table at the same time, and it crashed to the ground. Unbeknownst to us...we had carried a light-wieght plastic table top through the entire bar...sans legs.
After we dropped it, everyone started laughing. I am telling you…EVERYONE who saw us, was laughing. There wasn’t a rock big enough for the 3 of us to crawl under.
The only good part of embarrASSing yourself in front of 100 total strangers…You never have to see these people again.
PaulA and I were visiting my sister, SisterSledge, and her husband Daryl, Daryl and Daryl (to the third power.) Not three husbands silly, just one. Anyway, it was a gorgeous summer evening in Vermont, so we decided to visit an outside establishment (okay, an outside bar) on Lake Champlain to have some cocktails and watch the sunset over the Adirondack Mountains. Maybe we would see “Champ” …the Lockness Monster that has been sighted in Lake Champlain (you just know some Vermonter is laughing his ass off over that story he invented.)
The bar was a popular place during sunsets in the summer and this evening was no exception…all the tables were taken. Except one round white plastic table set off to the side. There were no chairs with it, but we figured we could scrounge 4 chairs. We decided to move the table. After all, the table was plastic so it wasn’t heavy.
So Sistersledge, Daryl to the third power, and I (Luckily for PaulA…he was in the bathroom) each grabbed the table, lifted it and carried it through the bar… “excuse us, so sorry, excuse us, pardon us.” After causing much commotion, we got the table to the middle of the bar and agreed it was the perfect place. The three of us let go of the table at the same time, and it crashed to the ground. Unbeknownst to us...we had carried a light-wieght plastic table top through the entire bar...sans legs.
After we dropped it, everyone started laughing. I am telling you…EVERYONE who saw us, was laughing. There wasn’t a rock big enough for the 3 of us to crawl under.
The only good part of embarrASSing yourself in front of 100 total strangers…You never have to see these people again.
Friday, September 5, 2008
Say It Ain't So...Sarah
I am not going to preach my politics, besides that is what they are…mine. Although some people turn into preachers during election time. Also, who wants to know the views of a hacker blogger housewife, but I am intrigued by McCain’s choice for VP.
I don’t really know much about Sarah Palin other than what I saw during her feisty speech …or sarcastic speech (depending on what side of the aisle you sit) during the RNC. Some have questioned her ability. Some have questioned her experience. One thing I don’t question...her ability as a woman.
I don’t doubt that because Palin is a woman, she is not “man” enough for the job. I don’t doubt that she can’t have it all…a job and a family. Although the Vice President of the United States, isn’t just any job. But I do have one question for Sarah Palin......
“Sarah, how will you do that?” My question is more of logistics. "How will you be a mother of 5 children….including a special needs baby, and a pregnant 17 year old…and juggle all that it brings with the responsibilities of the VP office and appointments with national and international leaders."
You see, I am just curious…not judgmental. I only had 3 kids and none of them had special needs, although they seemed quite needy at the time. Especially when all three fire alarms were going off at the same time, and I didn’t know which way to turn.
Then again…Sarah Palin might just be able to handle it all. Say it ain’t so, Sarah. Now thanks to Palin…I feel so inept. I’m hoping the answer to my question is…she has lots of help. Because if she doesn’t…this Kat is one lazy ass.
I don’t really know much about Sarah Palin other than what I saw during her feisty speech …or sarcastic speech (depending on what side of the aisle you sit) during the RNC. Some have questioned her ability. Some have questioned her experience. One thing I don’t question...her ability as a woman.
I don’t doubt that because Palin is a woman, she is not “man” enough for the job. I don’t doubt that she can’t have it all…a job and a family. Although the Vice President of the United States, isn’t just any job. But I do have one question for Sarah Palin......
“Sarah, how will you do that?” My question is more of logistics. "How will you be a mother of 5 children….including a special needs baby, and a pregnant 17 year old…and juggle all that it brings with the responsibilities of the VP office and appointments with national and international leaders."
You see, I am just curious…not judgmental. I only had 3 kids and none of them had special needs, although they seemed quite needy at the time. Especially when all three fire alarms were going off at the same time, and I didn’t know which way to turn.
Then again…Sarah Palin might just be able to handle it all. Say it ain’t so, Sarah. Now thanks to Palin…I feel so inept. I’m hoping the answer to my question is…she has lots of help. Because if she doesn’t…this Kat is one lazy ass.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Fishercops
Riding on Highway 495, we passed a cop who caught a big one. He had pulled over a black BMW 700 series with tinted windows. Now that’s a big catch. I’m sure that cop did a lot of bragging down at HQ. He probably exaggerated like the other fishercops…. “Yep, got a big one today. That rascal tried to get away, but I put the pedal to the metal and reeled him in. He has to be at least 2 tons of steel.”
Today the fishercops were out…fishing for black cars. Further down 495, there was a black Cadillac and a black Honda Accord pulled over. Tomorrow it could be red car fishing day. (Chelsea beware.)
I got to thinking…I have never seen a green car pulled over. I don’t know if that is because people don’t buy green cars. Maybe people buy fewer green cars, hence (love that word) the percentage is smaller. Maybe green car owners don’t exceed the speed limit because they are “greenies” and want to be good to the environment. I own a white car and every 3 or 4 months, when I decide to wash it…it looks spanking nice. A fishercop might want to catch me…especially on white car fishing day.
After careful analysis of fishercop tendencies, I think my next car should be a green one. I don’t think fishercops have even established a green car fishing day. Cops probably don’t like pulling them over because it reminds them of their loved one’s green eyes, or the pea soup they got sick on.
Yep, when my white car goes…it’s green for me.
Today the fishercops were out…fishing for black cars. Further down 495, there was a black Cadillac and a black Honda Accord pulled over. Tomorrow it could be red car fishing day. (Chelsea beware.)
I got to thinking…I have never seen a green car pulled over. I don’t know if that is because people don’t buy green cars. Maybe people buy fewer green cars, hence (love that word) the percentage is smaller. Maybe green car owners don’t exceed the speed limit because they are “greenies” and want to be good to the environment. I own a white car and every 3 or 4 months, when I decide to wash it…it looks spanking nice. A fishercop might want to catch me…especially on white car fishing day.
After careful analysis of fishercop tendencies, I think my next car should be a green one. I don’t think fishercops have even established a green car fishing day. Cops probably don’t like pulling them over because it reminds them of their loved one’s green eyes, or the pea soup they got sick on.
Yep, when my white car goes…it’s green for me.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Firsts and Lasts
Summer is over and school has started for Brianna. Yesterday was our last child’s first day of her last year of high school. Wow, that’s a lot of first and lasts…which is what I think of when I think back over our kid’s school years.
I think back to Chelsea…our first child’s first day of her first day of school. Chelsea in a little navy blue sailor dress and big white bow. How she danced around the bus stop and when the bus came, jumped on and happily waved “goodbye.” How PaulA had to console me walking back to the house.
I think back to Colin…his first day of his first year of an all boy’s high school. Colinboy dressed in a navy blue jacket and tie. Dropping him off at school, wondering how my little man was doing, and counting the hours before I could pick him up.
I think back to yesterday, Brianna…her first day of her last year of high school. Sweet Wishy in her pretty pink dress and tiara (high school tradition.) How happy, confident and eager she was to get to school as she jumped in the Ford Escape she decorated. And how desperately I want to slow down the days…before it’s her last day of her last year of high school.
First, all three were ready….ready to head out, leave their “nest” and do their thing….
And last, their mom…not quite ready……..still.
I think back to Chelsea…our first child’s first day of her first day of school. Chelsea in a little navy blue sailor dress and big white bow. How she danced around the bus stop and when the bus came, jumped on and happily waved “goodbye.” How PaulA had to console me walking back to the house.
I think back to Colin…his first day of his first year of an all boy’s high school. Colinboy dressed in a navy blue jacket and tie. Dropping him off at school, wondering how my little man was doing, and counting the hours before I could pick him up.
I think back to yesterday, Brianna…her first day of her last year of high school. Sweet Wishy in her pretty pink dress and tiara (high school tradition.) How happy, confident and eager she was to get to school as she jumped in the Ford Escape she decorated. And how desperately I want to slow down the days…before it’s her last day of her last year of high school.
First, all three were ready….ready to head out, leave their “nest” and do their thing….
And last, their mom…not quite ready……..still.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Motor Must
The other day I saw two youngsters driving around their yard in one of those motorized cars that runs on rechargeable battery power. I felt guilty watching them enjoy their little car. You see…my kids really wanted one…back in the day.
For some reason, we felt strongly against the motorized car. We thought it seemed so decadent. Besides, what was wrong with the Little Tikes Fred Flintstone mobile that ran on leg power that we bought them? But the three of them really wanted it…had to have it. Unfortunately, all the PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, in the world never worked. They had to live their life… empty, void…without one.
Advance fifteen years….they survived. They learned to drive and got their Driver’s Licenses. We even let them drive a real motorized car…a Ford Escape…which they have all used and abused. Chelsea ran it into a telephone pole and both Chels and Col have left the sun roof open during torrential rainstorms. Colin trashes it with band equipment and runs it through the mud. Bri uses it as a second closet for clothes, paper and water bottles.
The thing they all have in common with the car is leaving it on “E.” Never fails…I get in the car and it barely starts. I’m not sure, but maybe they think a gas fairy is going to “SHAZAM” fill their tank for them….Wait, I guess that’s me.
Now I’m thinking, maybe we should have gotten them the motorized car they begged for. They are using the Escape just like the Little Tikes car...that they left out in the rain ….crashed into stuff…ran through the mud, left juice boxes in.......
And never fueled. They didn’t have to it….because their parents never got them a motorized car that ran on rechargeable battery power.
I’m catching on…..Maybe this is their payback time.
For some reason, we felt strongly against the motorized car. We thought it seemed so decadent. Besides, what was wrong with the Little Tikes Fred Flintstone mobile that ran on leg power that we bought them? But the three of them really wanted it…had to have it. Unfortunately, all the PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, in the world never worked. They had to live their life… empty, void…without one.
Advance fifteen years….they survived. They learned to drive and got their Driver’s Licenses. We even let them drive a real motorized car…a Ford Escape…which they have all used and abused. Chelsea ran it into a telephone pole and both Chels and Col have left the sun roof open during torrential rainstorms. Colin trashes it with band equipment and runs it through the mud. Bri uses it as a second closet for clothes, paper and water bottles.
The thing they all have in common with the car is leaving it on “E.” Never fails…I get in the car and it barely starts. I’m not sure, but maybe they think a gas fairy is going to “SHAZAM” fill their tank for them….Wait, I guess that’s me.
Now I’m thinking, maybe we should have gotten them the motorized car they begged for. They are using the Escape just like the Little Tikes car...that they left out in the rain ….crashed into stuff…ran through the mud, left juice boxes in.......
And never fueled. They didn’t have to it….because their parents never got them a motorized car that ran on rechargeable battery power.
I’m catching on…..Maybe this is their payback time.
Monday, September 1, 2008
Labor Day
It’s Labor Day….the last blast of summer. Time for a cookout. What is Labor Day without burgers and hot dogs, the all-American meal for an all-American holiday? Actually, I remember a particular Labor Day with a pig. I’m not talking about anyone in particular… I am talking about a big ass pig with pig ears, 4 pig’s feet and a squiggly tail.
Back in the day when we were young, we lived in a great neighborhood….basically a neighborhood of young families doing the same things. Any chance we could….we would all get together for a party and Labor Day was no exception. One year we decided to roast a pig. Not sure whose idea that one was, but I know it wasn’t mine. I wasn’t particularly excited about seeing a whole pig with an apple in his mouth, rotating and roasting over an open fire pit for 12 hours. I think a few of the neighborhood kids needed psychological counseling after that day.
Our neighbor friend Louie had picked up the pig the night before (not in a bar, smart ass) and needed a place to keep it….so he put it in his bath tub. Might sound crazy, but it wasn’t like he was taking a bath with it. Louie did end up getting intimate with piggly wiggly… when he slipped and fell trying to lift it out of the tub. Louie landed right on top of his fat friend. Again, a few more kids needed psychological counseling after witnessing that encounter.
Have a great Labor Day. Go hog wild and enjoy the last day of summer!
Back in the day when we were young, we lived in a great neighborhood….basically a neighborhood of young families doing the same things. Any chance we could….we would all get together for a party and Labor Day was no exception. One year we decided to roast a pig. Not sure whose idea that one was, but I know it wasn’t mine. I wasn’t particularly excited about seeing a whole pig with an apple in his mouth, rotating and roasting over an open fire pit for 12 hours. I think a few of the neighborhood kids needed psychological counseling after that day.
Our neighbor friend Louie had picked up the pig the night before (not in a bar, smart ass) and needed a place to keep it….so he put it in his bath tub. Might sound crazy, but it wasn’t like he was taking a bath with it. Louie did end up getting intimate with piggly wiggly… when he slipped and fell trying to lift it out of the tub. Louie landed right on top of his fat friend. Again, a few more kids needed psychological counseling after witnessing that encounter.
Have a great Labor Day. Go hog wild and enjoy the last day of summer!
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